Tag Archives: touch

Normalizing the Punishment Kiss

a post talking about the normalization of kissing as sexual assault as seen on shows like The Flash and Brooklyn Nine Nine, especially when such actions are used as comedic punchlines with villains.

Prompt taken from this post by lemonyandbeatrice.

This post doesn’t entirely stick to the topic, but still — cn: attitudes about/media depictions of violence, including sexual violence, including details from a specific scene.

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glad that miracles do happen once in a while

I have a friend who, I discovered, likes petting my hair.

This is very good because I like it very much when people pet my hair.

a shift in perspective

Fun fact, when I was first exposed to consent seminars and deliberate education on that kind of thing, I was a little wary of it at first but also quickly impressed with it as a good idea, because prior to that point in my life (college), people just didn’t talk about this stuff.  So I remember having a tentative positive impression of the whole thing.  Because I believed “people in my culture just don’t know how to communicate about this, or that it’s okay and good to communicate about it explicitly.”  That’s what I believed.  And maybe that still is partially true.

But the more I’ve grown and the more I’ve developed my thoughts on the subject, the more I’ve become dissatisfied with their surface approach toward basic communication templates instead of underlying values, because the actual larger problem at hand is that American masculinity is a cult of violation.

AA: Ace/Non-Ace Relationship Ambiguity

[cw: sex, in specifics]

BD wrote in:

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Appeal in Asymmetry

A post on relationship asymmetry, whether long-term or situational, because everything else written on the subject drains me and apparently if you want something done you have to do it yourself.

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in lighter news

Recently someone asked “Are you two dating?” because I was cuddling my new friend at the game table.


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went to a munch last night

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forgot to mention

At an ace meetup a couple weeks back, when I brought up the pros and cons of Fiona as autistic representation on Elementary, one thing I failed to mention was that her second episode featured an instance of revoked/suspended consent.

I’m not sure if there’s a better term for that (probably is) but what I’m getting at is the idea of taking a step down on the physical touch escalator — offering consent to something at one point, then refusing it later.

It’s two short snippets of separate scenes, just a small slice of the overall episode, but it was… it was nice.  It was nice to see that depicted and respected.  Served as a reminder as to how infrequently it’s normalized, but still.  It was nice.

Season 4, episode 12.  “A View With a Room.”  At one point, out of the blue, Fiona asks Sherlock, “Would you like to kiss me?”  There’s a pause.  Fiona adds, “Asking ’cause I’d like you to.”  Sherlock continues to hesitate, and it doesn’t happen.  It’s around that point that Fiona leaves.

The two see each other again, later, when he visits her.  Sherlock doesn’t take long to ask, “Does the offer to kiss you still stand?”

And she says, quite bluntly, “No.”


She clarifies, a second later, “I mean it does, just not right now.”


What’s interesting to me about that, besides the fact that it was written at all, is that it’s not presented as bad or rude or stingy or an end to her interest in him — and Sherlock accepts it with a look on his face that’s just like “oh.”  Not super disappointed or angry or indignant or mopey or any of that.  Just sort of… “oh, okay.”  And the conversation proceeds.  And I found it all surprisingly cute, both that part and the part that follows (“I’m a little afraid” “I’m a little afraid, too”).

It’s a small, small thing.  But I’d love to see more of that kind of small thing.

edit: I found clips of the two scenes I was talking about.

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