This post is my submission to the January 2018 Carnival of Aces under the theme of “Identity.” Specifically, this post deals with topics of sexuality, identity, alienation, labeling, doubt, touch, trauma, and abuse.
This impetus for this post is a tumblr post about “being stone vs. being asexual” that Rowan shared with me, after it came up as a recommended post on their dash. There’s maybe a few different things I would question in that post (emphasis on question, since some of it is beyond my depth), but maybe chief among them is how stone sexuality & asexuality are being presented as either/or, i.e. mutually exclusive.
After having seen this:
…and now this:
…I have to wonder what’s going through people’s heads, that they’d position “stone butch” and “soft butch” at spectral poles, as if stone butch is just the extreme end of butch expression and doesn’t mean anything else beside that. It would almost make me doubt my sense of the term was grounded in anything after all, if I hadn’t managed to read what little I did of Stone Butch Blues. Has the meaning shifted, since then? I hope it hasn’t.
Cuz, look. Out of the unintelligible soup of gendersense in my mug, I’ve picked out a kind of loose connection with butchness — that I feel hesitant naming that way, because I feel like I don’t have the skill set or hardness or the qualifications to claim it. So the concept of partial/medium butchness, or soft butch, is appealing for that reason. Meanwhile, I feel kind of stone, too. Not stone as in sexually giving or whatever, but stone as in “don’t touch me, gtfo.”
And so, seeing them positioned as mutually exclusive like this? Is… confusing. Like apparently I must be reading myself wrong, one way or the other, or both.
But you know what, forget that, suck it. Softstone is a viable combination and I’m not ready to let anyone take it from me.
me literally 5 pages into Stone Butch Blues: holy moley I don’t know if I can do this
A post in which the blogger thinks too hard about tapping someone on the shoulder while being tapped on the shoulder.
Content note: this is a sex-free and kink-free application of the concept of paper mache/monodirectionality (based off of the concept of a stone identity). Complex conditional touch aversion ahoy.