Tag Archives: spirituality

Patronizing Reminders and Peacemaker Gaslighting

Alternatively titled: “Mommy, where do asexuals come from?”

One of the most bizarre non-ace behaviors I’ve encountered so far is the sexual equivalent of mansplaining, which happens when some pontificating tenderfoot becomes aware of ace people and for some godforsaken reason decides to try and explain to us, unsolicited, the perspective of a non-ace person, as if we haven’t been surrounded by you people from day one.

Look at this mess.

Not only is the original post rude, presumptuous, and ignorant of context (see: allo Solas fans’ repeated refusals to make sexual content in the Solas tag more avoidable, derailing ace Solas posts with sexual comments, attacking people for ace Solas headcanons, the number of people angry about the mere existence of chastemance options, one of whom I met in person, the general anti-celibacy attitude of the fandom, etc.), BUT IT ALSO just… raises a lot of questions.

Such as: Where do you think ace-spectrum people come from?

Do you think we were transported here from another planet, for instance?  Or grew in underground pods and bloomed from the earth once we came of age?

How exactly does it come to pass that aces arrive on the internet 100% unaware of the rest of human culture outside of our recently-formed community and lacking all knowledge of the fact non-aces care about more than sex or that many people see sex as important and beautiful and “a wonderful way to express this spiritual connection that two people share” …?

Do you think ace people have isolated ourselves in self-sufficient communes for the past several centuries and are just now making contact with the outside world?

Do you think you’re the first person to tell us these things?

And, yes, just to get this out of the way: there is nothing wrong with imagining Solas had sex with Lavellan.  Duh.

I’m not aware of anyone arguing to the contrary, though, which makes this come across as a case of the Shame Clause.

Fans who interpret the Solas-Lavellan relationship as sexual (or wish it was depicted as more sexual) are not a minority and are not the ones who need protecting.

And you know what?  Given this whole situation, chiming in with “remember, sex is important to non-asexuals and there’s nothing wrong with not interpreting Solas as ace!” just comes off as gaslighting.


another quote from rhetoric class readings

In healthism, healthy behavior has become the paradigm for good living.  Healthy men and women become model men and women.  A kind of reductionism or one-dimensionalization seems to occur among healthists: more and more experiences are collapsed into health experience, more and more values into health values.  Health, or its supreme — “super health” — subsumes a panoply of values: “a sense of happiness and purpose,” “a high level of self-esteem,” “work satisfaction,” “ability to engage in creative expression,” “capacity to function effectively under stress,” “having confidence in the future,” “a commitment to living in the world,” the ability “to celebrate one’s life,” or even “cosmic affirmation.”  “Health is more than the absence of disease…,” writes one of the new pulpiteers (49, p. x), “it includes a fully productive, self-realized, expanded life of joy, happiness, and love in and for whatever one is doing.”  In the “high level of wellness” ethic, “health is freedom in the truest sense — freedom from aimlessness, being able to express a range of emotions freely, a zest for living.” (67)  In short, health has become not only a preoccupation; it has also become a pan-value or standard by which an expanding number of behaviors and social phenomena are judged.  Less a means toward the achievement of other fundamental values, health takes on the quality of an end in itself.

Crawford, Robert. “Healthism and the medicalization of everyday life.” International journal of health services 10, no. 3 (1980): 365-388.

I want to ask why this isn’t considered a religion, but then again, we know why.


Sex Aversion Is Sex Aversion

Recently, my stats page informs me, someone arrived on this blog by searching “is sexual aversion unhealthy or holy.”  It’s not unusual for concerning search terms to pop up, but I want to respond to this one nonetheless.

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Religion and Asexuality Overview

This is a collection of links about the various things that religious people have said about asexuality and what it’s like to be asexual in religious contexts.  I can only provide what I’ve found and what people have already written on, so for now, only Islam, Christianity, and Paganism will be primarily addressed here.  If you have any links to add to this list — any blog posts on the relationship between religion and asexuality — then please let me know.

Edit 12/4/2014: After this post was published, the theme of religion was chosen for the October Carnival of Aces.  Check the link for more recent writing on this subject.

Edit 6/21/2022: Please stop linking to this post next to links from Landover Baptist.

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“The Universe” as Diet Theism

Today, on “The Blogger Takes Things More Seriously Than They Were Probably Intended”: let’s talk about when people make reference to the universe as some kind of sentient, powerful entity with a will of its own and the ability to make choices.

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A Brief Meditation on Souls

I probably wouldn’t think about souls much if it weren’t for the number of times I’ve been hit in the face with how much other people’s opinions diverge from mine on the simple matter of what souls even are.

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Spiritually Dormant

Nothing quite like seeing someone claim that sacred sex is “vital to spiritual awakening” and “the essential nature of the unrestrained soul” and that sex is necessary to “augment to your spiritual path and that of your partner”.

Sigh.