Hi, folks. If you don’t mind, let’s sit down and have a talk. An actual, honest talk, if you will.
This is a post about the target audience of imperative grammar (i.e. command words) in the context of talking about abuse in relationships. It’s also a post about making moral-grounds proclamations about sexual violence. It’s also a post about the internalized obligation to have sex. It’s also a post about that thing that we usually call victim-blaming. It may even be a post about rape culture in the guise of fighting rape culture? And, basically, yelling at abuse victims to stop getting abused.
[ CN: this is a post about wanting sex, having sex, motivations for having sex, etc. It might be a hair more graphic than my usual posts… but that’s not really saying much. ]
Isolde wrote in:
A brief collection of examples of advice you shouldn’t give and advice you shouldn’t listen to. Perhaps illustrative of why I have my concerns about ace advice blogs.
A linkspam on discomfort with, uncertainty about, objections to, and otherwise contesting various uses, applications, and interpretations of the current model of sex-adjectives (i.e. sex-indifferent, sex-averse, sex-repulsed, and sometimes, sex-favorable), featuring: aces who aren’t sure how to label themselves, aces with murky/inconsistent/imprecise experiences, aces who don’t like the way they’re being labeled by others, and aces who don’t like the way others are interpreting the labels they identify with.
While I can’t directly respond to the call for more sharing on the subject of sex-favorable asexuality, Talia’s post reminded me that I don’t think I’ve seen many essay-style posts on personal experiences of being arcflux, at least not lately, so that’s what this’ll be. My goals here:
- a handy post for linking if I want to use this term & preempt “what’s that mean?”
- introspection, sorting things out in words, public talking to myself (because others may get something out of it)
- articulate why I’m drawn to this word & what I mean by it
Are you an ace activist, educator, or content-creator? Are you in the process of making (or have you already made) asexuality visibility and education materials? If so, you’re this post’s target audience. Keep reading for a brief overview of common mistakes to avoid in ace vis/ed with regard to the topics of sex and sex-repulsion, with explanations and links to further information on what to keep in mind as you create or edit your project.
I’m having too much fun with this.
The title of this post is based on this definition of sex-negative, by the way.
The current, established, consensus-approved terminology in the ace community for a given individual’s personal disposition toward sex includes sex-repulsed, sex-averse, and sex-indifferent.
For myself, I am partial to all of them and none of them, despite not meeting the criteria for “normal” sexuality’s attitude of enthusiasm either. Continue reading
One thing I’ve noticed, among other things, is that analogies for not wanting sex are usually geared toward a sex-indifferent perspective that’s simply an absence of desire, no strong feelings involved either way. Just “not feeling a particular need” for something, usually some kind of desert food. That can describe some people’s experiences, certainly, but those kinds of analogies don’t carry over well for explaining what it feels like to be sex-repulsed.
cw: body horror