tfw you want to talk to your therapist about some stress-amplified health issues but then you realize you can’t do that without spilling that a few months back there was a big spike in your suicidality and you can’t explain *that* without revealing your sex repulsion :/
Tag Archives: sex aversion
me: huh, well, it’s been a while, maybe my sex repulsion has just faded away at this poi-
movie trailer: *has a split second of sexual content*
me: nope, nope nope nope, definitely still here
In my first year of high school, I was assigned to read a book with a subplot where a girl has pity sex with a boy because he’s a virgin, and whose plot and characters did not make nearly as lasting an impression as the rape/incest joke I can remember almost word for word. In my second year of high school, I was assigned to read a book where I saw some of my own sexuality represented in literature for the first time, as a key part of a dystopian regime, and where the protagonist contemplates becoming a rapist out of irritation with an evil prude. In my third year of high school, I was assigned to read the friggin Scarlet Letter, a book which could not possibly be more melodramatically obsessed with how awful the Puritans are — not for being racist, or misogynist, or any of the other things that the book gleefully embraces, but for being such darn prudes. In my fourth year of high school, I was assigned to read another book where one of the main characters contemplates becoming a rapist because of an evil prude, a character whom one of my classmates described as an “All-American Hero” and who is overtly celebrated in the book.
You know, sometimes, I feel like how messed up I am is way out of proportion to my actual life experience, but when I get to thinking about the kind of things I had to read and hear as a teen kid, I kinda have to wonder how I didn’t turn out worse.
[cw: sex talk, misogyny]
Initially I wrote an introduction to this but instead just have this list:
The other day I was talking with a friend and someone else about this event that’ll be going on out in the desert this summer, and they let slip that a lot of people at that event like to walk around naked, since they’re “away from society’s rules” and whatever.
So I said I could never go to an event like that, then, because I really dislike seeing naked people.
And my friend looks at me and jokes, “You could just take off your glasses.”
Ah, yes. My own personal censorship program. Thanks.
I’m thinking about getting ponify or some similar browser tool to replace every instance of the word “orgasm” with “root beer.”