Tag Archives: sarcasm

hot relationship tip:

never talk about your feelings! ever!

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Straight privilege is

a steady tide of people in your comment section asking you for advice on how to violate their partner’s boundaries.


AA: Order Up

Yesterday I got a message in my ask inbox — zero context — that consists solely of this one sentence: “So how is a sexual wife supposed to get her needs met?”

Zero.  Context.

*throws up hands*  I can only assume it has something to do with this.

So help me out here.  I know plenty of y’all have had run-ins with the “straights don’t have any problem with asexuals” crowd.   I know plenty of y’all have had run-ins with the “you shouldn’t bring up your asexuality to anyone but your partner” crowd.

Can we bring some of this to their doorstep?  Maybe round up some volunteers?  To put their heads together, and devise an answer, in their infinite wisdom, to make sure this question gets interpreted and addressed correctly?


my. friendly. coworker.

She was talking to me today about topics for her new blog, brainstroming questions to ask people.

“Are these questions like for a poll or for an interview?”

“It’s for a blog.  You know what a blog is, right?”

Heh.

She tells me she’s changing directions from what she used to write about, broadening her subjects to three main things: the local job market, “inspiration,” and dating and relationships.  She acknowledges that I may not have much experience with the first one, being that I’m just out of college, but — she looks at me, and with *such dead certainty*, she says, “I mean, you– I know you’ve dated.”

So I try to keep a very plain tone of voice as I’m put on the spot to reply, “I haven’t, actually.  I know that’s weird.”

Which had me immediately thinking, now she’s going to want to know why.  She may not ask, because she’s nice, but the moment you fess up to something like that people are going to want to know why.

It was an awkward expectation to have to confront, but!  I’m glad this was just a totally abnormal crazy random happenstance and that no other aces have similar stories of their dating history becoming salient in casual relationships like with acquaintance coworkers!  So glad this is the Only and the Worst of how I’ve been affected in my daily life in regards to romantic and sexual issues (lol)!  So glad that people who assume these kinds of things are completely rare and unheard of!  What a relief that this is definitely the *only* time that my orientation has impacted my interactions with someone I’m not dating!  And anyway how dare I even describe mundane and minor events in my life such as this because as we know, as long as I’m not presently in the process of being physically assailed, nothing that happens is worth acknowleding!  Aaaaaaaaaaaaa and I’m sure I have no reason for this post to turn so suddenly bitter because no one ever tries to gaslight aces at large about these exact things!  That never happens either!


“Dealing” with an Ace Partner

Traditionally, the first step in being a dealer is to shuffle the cards.  There are many different shuffling methods, such as the riffle shuffle, the overhand shuffle, and the strip shuffle.  You can find some tutorials on those methods (and more) here and here.

Once the deck has been shuffled, then you’ll be expected to deal the cards.  Pass out a number of hands according to the number of players and a number of cards according to which game you’re playing.  Next, check your partner’s sleeves.  If you find an ace, you’re dealing with an ace partner.  Place the ace back into the deck, recollect all the hands, and shuffle again.

Many people report facing greater difficulty in shuffling a deck that includes a human-sized ace, but rest assured, it can be done.  Popular wisdom suggests you can replace the ace with a card-sized replica to stand in for them, but some dealers feel this amounts to glorified cheating.  In the end, the decision is up to you.  Alternative methods include the pathos shuffle, which involves allowing your ace partner to use merely their hand as a component of the deck and shuffling with it as if it were a card.  Specialized rectangular gloves are available to facilitate the squaring of the deck in this process.  Make sure your ace partner is properly costumed, as well, to blend in with the rest of the cards and to make them more difficult to notice for the other players.

For less sarcastic advice, try What To Do If You Think Your Partner Might Be Asexual, on my ace-allo relationship, this “Allosexual dating Ace” reddit thread, Asexual/Allosexual Relationships, Asexual/Allosexual Relationships and Sex, and Why Date An Asexual? An Interview with C.


Violation as a Form of Humor

A post about sarcasm, play-acting, and consent.

Let me illustrate what the title is describing, first.

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Sermon of the Uniformity Preacher

Gather ’round, my brethren, for I have a mission for you all.

As we know, it is very psychologically painful to feel like you fit in.  We all hate recognizing that we have anything in common with other people.  That’s why so many people try to lie about being different (when really they’re just normal) and go about spreading extreme, absurd notions about themselves in order to make themselves feel better, as a balm for the pain.

Misrepresenting oneself in a way that makes one feel special is the key to wrongfully accessing many mental and social benefits, dodging the uncomfortable psychological burden that comes from a sense of group belonging and having shared traits in common with the people around you.  And the popularity of this foul self-delusion is on the rise.

This simply cannot stand.  We must do something about the degenerates who have fallen prey to temptation, who seek isolation and make themselves feel special.  Humans may be naturally asocial, solitary creatures repelled by similarity between themselves and others, but that’s no excuse not to work against our baser instincts.

Resistance is imperative.  Our status as ordinary and normal may be difficult to embrace, but it is the only upstanding, virtuous choice.  As keepers of this neglected philosophy, you and I share the responsibility of making the degenerates admit the truth and guiding them back to the path of austere, no-nonsense conformity and homogeneity — by mocking them on the internet and combating the pleasure of exclusion with the righteous power of shame.

This, I declare, is our noble, selfless mission.  Let no one sway you from it.


nice

Definitely a great way to tell me that I don’t value or respect the importance of sex enough would be to insult me with a word for genitalia in order to communicate how despicable you think I am.  Yes, that makes sense.


fun times

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