This is a personal reflection post about physical attraction. In this post, I talk some about what I use “physical attraction” to mean, what I find the concept useful for, what I don’t find it useful for, and my personal experiences of what makes it difficult to talk about.Continue reading
Tag Archives: physical attraction
I’ve been thinking about something I haven’t seen much discussed before. People who read this blog (I presume) know that attraction can be classified according to lots of different types, but what of its longevity?
This post isn’t asking about sexual fluidity, or changes in sexual orientation, but of changes in attraction to a specific individual (which could also correlate to an overall change in orientation, but wouldn’t have to).
I know that I’ve experienced changes in aesthetic attraction, for example, based on extraneous factors aside from the look of the person themselves — such as whether the person in question goes from being a total stranger to revealing themselves to be a raging jerk (and a corresponding change in my aesthetic perception of their face sometimes occurs). That doesn’t always happen, though, as there are also people I strongly dislike who are still uncomfortably attractive.
I’ve mentioned before, in explaining why I identify as gray-a, that picking out sexual attraction is difficult for me — which is why I’m now looking at the volatility and longevity of other types of attraction for comparison.
Sensual attraction is very similar in some ways, so I’ve been keeping an eye on that. It’s not as frequent as aesthetic attraction, though, which keeps the data pool limited. And in the one case that I can draw repeated observations on… it has shown an inconvenient permanence. Other people I’ve been sensually attracted to are people I never saw again, so I can’t say how fleeting that feeling might’ve been for them or formulate any significant conclusions, yet.
Have you ever had a reverse-demi experience, where you’ve started out attracted to someone and then felt the attraction fade? How quickly did it happen? What about the opposite (whether as a result of a strong emotional bond or not)? What about attractions fluctuating from one type to another? If you find that the people you’re attracted to (in any sense of the word) tend to stay the same from day to day, have you ever noticed exceptions? Or is volatility your norm?
Because sexual attraction usually (but not always) comes mixed with other kinds of attraction, prying them apart for categorization can be a tricky process, firstly because some allosexuals resist attraction disambiguation on the basis that it’s “not necessary” — for them, because they experience these attractions simultaneously. However, even a bisexual friend of mine reports having experienced sensual attraction to a man she was not sexually attracted to. We were in the midst of a discussion about attraction types when she came to this realization, with a sudden exclamation of “OH, that’s what it was!”
[This article is now available en français! Thanks, Valentin!]