You know, as much as I don’t actually regret writing that “what to do if you think your partner might be asexual” post (because I think the world needs it), it does seem to be, simultaneously, 1) the reason for getting a lot of messages in my askbox all like “I want to confront my boyfriend because I think he’s asexual, what do you think my approach should be” and yet, at the same time, 2) it’s also a post that these people do not actually seem to have read.
Anyway I normally give detailed responses to these things but I rarely get any indication that the intended people read them and my patience wears thin over the years, so… I have no advice for you until you go and actually read the original post.
Summer wrote in on April 25th:
a steady tide of people in your comment section asking you for advice on how to violate their partner’s boundaries.
[cw: sex talk, sex as a site of conflict, insecurity over weight]
Breanne wrote in:
[cw: sex as a site of conflict in a relationship, antigay/homophobic analogy, atrocious rape analogy]
This one isn’t very long, but I’m going to address this one piece by piece instead of in block form.
[cw: sexual coercion]
Okay I know this was several days ago which is like years in internet time, but I keep going back to this post where anon approaches redbeardace about their boyfriend, and. I. *abstract hand motions*
Yesterday I got a message in my ask inbox — zero context — that consists solely of this one sentence: “So how is a sexual wife supposed to get her needs met?”
*throws up hands* I can only assume it has something to do with this.
So help me out here. I know plenty of y’all have had run-ins with the “straights don’t have any problem with asexuals” crowd. I know plenty of y’all have had run-ins with the “you shouldn’t bring up your asexuality to anyone but your partner” crowd.
Can we bring some of this to their doorstep? Maybe round up some volunteers? To put their heads together, and devise an answer, in their infinite wisdom, to make sure this question gets interpreted and addressed correctly?
Originally I intended to post this list as part of a larger post. For now, I’ve decided to post the list alone. Got a hunch it might be useful to link at some point.
Below, an incomplete list of certain kinds of search terms that have appeared on my stats page since 2014. Expect some callous ones.
[cw: relationship conflict, explicit sex talk]
Mary wrote in: