This post is my submission to the January 2018 Carnival of Aces under the theme of “Identity.” Specifically, this post deals with topics of sexuality, identity, alienation, labeling, doubt, touch, trauma, and abuse.
This impetus for this post is a tumblr post about “being stone vs. being asexual” that Rowan shared with me, after it came up as a recommended post on their dash. There’s maybe a few different things I would question in that post (emphasis on question, since some of it is beyond my depth), but maybe chief among them is how stone sexuality & asexuality are being presented as either/or, i.e. mutually exclusive.
Update: the sequel.
Note: the font I’m using for these is Card Characters from Harold’s Fonts, which is a free download, so feel free to use that to make your own playing card-themed stuff.
Continuing adventures in trying to make graphics: made this the other night, born of 1) conversation with Rowan about lesbian blogs, and 2) wondering if young people remember that there’s more than one way to symbolize an orientation than with horizontally striped flags…
I have been thinking about this link Siggy posted ever since I first saw it, mostly about how the word “asexual” is used — because it was posted as an example of “wacky things that appear in my [‘asexual’] google alerts” — (and yes I’m not addressing the bigger picture atm because, foolishly or not, I expect everyone who reads this blog to share roughly the same opinion on Nazis). The article has nothing to do with asexuality, but the part with “asexual” in it is here: [cw: anti-lesbian talk/ethnocentricism]
We sat at a table in the kitchen, where Spencer told me about a game he liked to play called “Lesbian or just German?”, the idea being that German women were so hairy and asexual that one couldn’t tell the difference.
I can’t tell from the context whether the attribution of the traits “hairy and asexual” to both German women and lesbians was explicitly given as reasoning by Spencer to begin with or whether that was the author Julie Hill’s own extrapolation, but either way,
I know the “asexual” as it’s being used there isn’t the same as the “asexual” people self-ID as, but that’s just the thing — what it is being used as, as far as I can tell, is desexualization/the absence of heterosexual sex appeal/lack of “sexual availability” (to men). And I’m just. I’m just looking at how “asexual” is already being treated like it goes hand in hand with the “hairy lesbian” stereotype, and since the right response to that stereotype isn’t to throw actual hairy gay women under the bus (with not just “hey not all lesbians are hairy” but also “being a lesbian and being a hairy woman are both okay — hairy lesbians deserve support”)… there’s another demographic combo I can think of that doesn’t deserve to be thrown under the bus, you know? Maybe asexual/nonsexual lesbians need more love too, you know?
Iunno, as long as the broken anti-dialogue pro-circulation tumblr format is going to exacerbate so many folks taking swipes at each other over a perceived gay vs ace dichotomy, I’m gonna keep whining that we need a mass migration to another platform.
This is a post about a short simple “game”/visual novel called “We Know The Devil,” because Cor has recommended it frequently enough that I actually went and played it myself. Part 1 is the non-spoilers part, and Part 2 is the part with spoilers on everything. In this post, I try to answer a few basic, simple questions: What is it about? What does that title mean? And what the heck was going on with my reaction to that ending?
A short linkspam of linkspams (and some individual posts) on ace intersections, including intracommunity issues and problems faced outside the community. I’m still not all there in the head but, hey, wanted to do a thing, still.
Note in case of tumblrwarp: please visit the original wordpress post in case of future edits/updates.
Gender (Identity and Alignment) – Carnival of Aces November 2011: Gender and Carnival of Aces March 2016: Gender Norms and Asexuality feature posts on being trans, being female, and being nonbinary.
Race and Ethnicity – Vesper’s APoC Resources page has tons of links to content on/by/for asexual people of color, including articles and videos on racism inside and outside of the community, such as The Large Space That White Supremacy Occupies In Conversations About Sexuality.
You can also find some posts on being Jewish in the roundup for Carnival of Aces October 2014.
Gay, Bi, and Queer – On this subject, I’d highlight Living gay (and ace), On “no romo”, and Being asexual, “of the bi-ish persuasion,” and afraid, as well as this post on guilt over desire for representation. For further reading, see Queenie’s so-called teeny tiny linkspam on asexuality and queerness.
Illness and Disability – Carnival of Aces June 2015: Mental Health and Carnival of Aces October 2013: Disability and Asexuality feature posts on being mentally ill, being disabled, and choices on the part of the ace community, disability activists, and health care providers.
Sexual Violence – Queenie’s Ace Survivors as Rhetorical Devices series explains how to avoid damaging rhetoric about survivors of sexual violence.
The RFAS (Resources for Ace Survivors) Recommended Reading page covers a broader range of topics under the same umbrella of asexuality and sexual violence.
Miscellaneous – Examples of Bad Ace Advice and Hezza’s Asexual identity prescriptivism linkspam address identity-policing and other issues.
Going back to old, old stuff…. I’ve gotten to thinking about this more, the implications of this idea… a definition of straightness that suggests, if not requires, an explicit hierarchy of straightness. All straights are straight, but some straights are straighter than others.
That’s what comes of a working definition of straightness that depends on absences & on what is *not* experienced (re: patterns of desire, attraction, unwilled feelings, etc.), without any dependence on what *is* experienced (re: patterns of desire, attraction, unwilled feelings, etc.), deliberately shaped to include pathologized experiences off of that list, as long as they meet the given absence criteria.
I just wanna say — it might actually be workable, for all I know, but there’s a couple things I haven’t seen addressed.
[Content Note: I’m sorry, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot again. This is a post about the word “queer.”]
It keeps happening, is the thing. And I just plain don’t know how to handle it appropriately.
Mermaid friend was making a comparison between me and someone else, and so she gestured to them and said “small gay” and then gestured to me and said “small…” and then just trailed off. So I asked something like, “What? You couldn’t decide on a noun? Ace can be a noun,” and she said, “No, I just don’t know how you feel about being referred to as a gay.”
…I don’t know how to explain to her that “how I feel about it” is mainly this strong sense of you’ll get in trouble.
What I actually said, for the record, was something along the lines of “the real gay people wouldn’t like that.”