Tag Archives: kink

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tfw you order some rope online and the package comes with a version of the company’s business card where one side just has a picture of a very naked woman, tied up and looking at the camera.

Excuse you, just because I bought some hardware doesn’t mean I’m okay with you putting this in my eyes.

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was not expecting that

tfw you go hunting for some actually-decent kink politics posts via links from a known-okay blog, bracing yourself for the standard obstacles of porn, nudity, radfem-vs-libfem natter, etc., and instead encounter… someone complaining about aces.

I mean, it’s a common enough thing on it’s own, but it’s kind of jarring to see someone whine, “How come people let aces ID as queer but not me?”

Did I just step into a Salvador Dali painting or something?  Where am I?


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Unravel – A Critical Kink Community

hje86vue

Hey, folks.  So I went and did the thing and started a “community” on imzy (*crosses fingers*).  There are already some other kink communities on there, but none that mention remotely anything about being ace-friendly, or anti-kinky-abuse, or critical (not to be confused with “kink-critical,” mind you, in which the word critical means the same thing it does in the phrase “trans-critical”).  Lacking alternatives, Unravel will be my attempt to take a stab at some of those things and more.  I have some ideas for links and discussion topics to come, but I’m not quite sure what direction to send this in just yet, and since it’s brand new, I figure the first few folks who join are probably joining to shape what kind of place it becomes…  So if you want a look, I just gained over 100 invites I can send.  Just click the link up there and input your email address so you can get invited, and then you can snoop around, give feedback, maybe even join, that sort of thing.


who wants to start an imzy community

with (for) me

about like.  ace umbrella anti-abuse bondage anarchist… stuff… or just… non-d/s kink… nonsexual kink… or, I guess, any of the combinations of things that I can’t find enough content on, that I want to talk about with more people…


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me: *digs through someone’s kink tag, finds someone I recognize as being a person who’s talked rolequeer stuff and good critical kink and consent things, starts going through their corresponding discussion tag*

me: These posts are pretty old though.  I wonder what they’ve been up to more recently.

me: *clicks to visit blog main page*

very first post on the blog: n u d i t y

me: okay I’ll just show myself the door then


I wonder if kinkyasexuals will ever apologize for giving careless medical advice or for rec’ing Fetlife to kink-curious aces without a hint of warning about the severe policy issues that “most of the users on FL have been aware of for several years now.”


the bedroom is a social construct

I saw something again — not linking on purpose because of context — mentioning, secondhand, a claim paraphrased as “if your kink bleeds into your everyday life outside of the bedroom, it’s bad for you.”

And like the responder I found, I take issue with that entire premise.

As far as I can tell, it’s basically a slight rewording of the common kink apologetics catchphrase — that XYZ earn their acceptability by being “only in the bedroom,” i.e. sure XYZ could be a bad thing, but not if it happens “only in the bedroom,”  …which is a line of argument that has multiple, multiple problems, some of them more significant than others.  They’re all so interrelated, though, I don’t know where to start.

So I’ll start here: Why does the locale of “the bedroom” grant some kind of moral/harm-metric exemption status?  As best I can figure, it’s because “in the bedroom” (aka “during sex”) refers to some of the most private moments of the most private room of a private dwelling — supposedly far removed from the “public sphere” and “everyday life.”  And therefore, it doesn’t affect anyone.  And therefore, it doesn’t affect you.

What?

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substantive

[link to post]

Substantive discussions, huh?

Yeah, those would be nice to have.  For example, how about a substantive discussion about your habitual practice of giving bad advice to vulnerable people?

Like making authoritative claims about what medical decisions everyone with a cervix should make?  Regardless of financial status, sexual and medical trauma, sex repulsion, body dysphoria, the list goes on…

Or like recommending kink-curious aces join Fetlife?  Without mentioning — at all — the site security issues, the official policy of protecting abusers from being named, or any kind of warning for anyone who might want to prepare for constant risk of porn across the whole site

Or maybe your dubious understanding of the human learning process?

I for one would love to have some substantive discussions!


author of A Field Guide to Creepy Dom*: It can be really hot, at first, because let’s face it– none of us fantasize about negotiations and limits.

me: First of all, speak for yourself, but second of all — what if we did, though?  What if we changed how we think about “negotiations” and “limits”?  What if we were no longer conceptualizing them as an un-fun technical obligation, a thing for getting over with?  What if we centered and celebrated and embraced communication about preferences as a treasured part of getting to know your partner and yourself?  What if that was something to look forward to?  What if that was part of the fantasy?  What if I wrote a flash fiction piece that was just about a couple discussing what they wanted?

*cw for rape and abuse narratives