Tag Archives: gender

Maybe if I’m not too dysfunctional this month I’ll write a post for the Carnival about why most(?) ace guy’s writings on the “being male and asexual” topic annoys me.

for the language nerds and gender nerds

(I know there are at least… two of you)

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Anyway… even though there are times when overt hostility just makes me avoidant (see: aces & sga being a contentious subject), it’s odd to me how (and this has happened with multiple things) I can have so much build-up of handwringing and identification anxiety and authenticity anxiety over whether my experiences fit under X umbrella & not wanting to shoehorn myself in where I don’t belong or hurt or mislead anyone more valid than me — and then see some clown spouting off on the subject and drop all equivocation on account of being personally enraged.

Thanks for the unintentional validation, I guess?

AA: Male Arousal

[cw: sexual harassment, specific narrative]

Roz wrote in:

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On Labels and What They Need

blank labelsOr rather, what I need from them.

This is a short post on label formation for this month’s Carnival of Aces on identity, labels, and models.

On the one hand, it’s not unheard of for people to discover a label that works for them and feel immediate relief upon seeing the word next to the definition.  That’s a valid experience.  It’s just as valid, however, to take the scenic route.

I’m talking about the experience of staring at the words in front of you and thinking “But what does that mean, though?”  I’m talking weeks of research and doubt and waffling.  But mostly what I have in mind is the inadequacy of Label (adj.): definition as the key to unlocking identification & the psychological necessity of seeing it spelled out in detailed, personal, narrative form in order to feel comfortable enough to describe yourself as One Of Those.  I’m talking about needing to read whole stories, dozens of them, before you’ll take on a new label for yourself.

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On Cissexism and Sexual Entitlement

I’ve begun to wonder why there isn’t more attention given toward the overlap between trans and ace issues.

Connections with and comparisons to the LGBT community abound, of course, since we consider asexuality a sexual orientation, and there’s plenty of aces who are gay, bi, and trans, besides.  But that’s usually spoken about in terms of “the LGBT community” at its broadest and most general, rather than trans communities in specific.

Which I’ve been thinking about because one of the most common manifestations of cissexism, right, is the assumption that anyone can/should be able to tell someone’s gender by looking at them, plus the invasive fixation on trans people’s genitals — because cis people’s genitals are assumed to be known, right, and trans people are the aberrational mystery, the conundrum that must be resolved, because the configuration of one’s genitals is supposed to be public information, and it’s as if everyone, even strangers, is at all times being assessed as a potential sexual partner, whether they would want to be or not.

And I would think we, as aces, would have more to say about that.

The Origins of Sexuality as a Capital-I “Issue”

Recently, I came across an anonymous message sent to an asexuality blog, inquiring after the reason why individuals’ sexualities are such a big deal, culturally, and where that came from as a social phenomenon, and the moderator didn’t know how to answer.  They attributed it to the assumption that everyone is straight (heteronormativity), but then that begs the question, where did heteronormativity come from?

The ignorance of their answer concerns me.  The reason why I’m responding here, understand, is not to embarrass anyone, but because I think it’s crucially important for everyone to know — especially for White aces to know — and so I’m making this post to offer what I’ve gathered and perhaps prompt others to do the same.

Why is human sexuality “such a big deal”?  The short answer is colonialism.  For the long answer, keep reading.

If gender is a cultural construct, and if colonialism forces cultural assimilation, then colonialism forces assimilation into exclusive recognition of its own culture’s genders, leading to what we now know as “the gender binary.”  Binarism is a tool of colonialism.  [edit: here’s even more links]

Binarism allows outsiders to project and assign genders onto others’ bodies, which begets/requires cisnormativity.

When you have binarism and cisnormativity in place, it allows for the creation of “opposite genders” and “heterosexuality” as a coherent set of ideas, which allows for heteronormativity.  Here’s a study linking the criminalization of same-gender sexual activity to the influence of British colonialism, specifically.

Colonialism requires the control of bodies, and sexuality is an intimate part of the process.

White supremacy and compulsory sexuality are inseparable forces:

In the generations since “liberation” from the system of indenture servitude, marriage still has the connotation of survival, or at least has for my parents’ generation. It is a mode of protection from government, poverty, and colonialism, turned into a mark of piety and respect for the family.

This is a coerced and compulsory sexuality, and one sourced from white supremacy.

And if you haven’t read “What’s R(ace) Got To Do With It?” yet, get busy.

The dilemma of this brown queer body is its inability to see itself through its own eyes.  The mirror becomes a site it which we view what white people have always told us about ourselves. Regardless or not of the status of my libido, I’m not sure I will ever feel comfortable identifying as asexual because it seems like I am betraying my people.

So if you want to know why we’re fighting this fight: essentially, it’s because of the long history of White violence.

Look, I’m not the best person to talk about this, and I only have a few pieces of the explanation, but apparently the whole subject is not being talked about enough for educational ace blog moderators to know anything about this — and so to contribute to fixing that, I want to draw attention to the voices who taught me these things and (apparently) are either being ignored or have yet to reach a lot of the community.

White aces, we have a responsibility to know these things and to tell those of us who don’t.

AA: a message and some questions

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Todd in the Shadows & Gendered Compulsory Sexuality

Ace Admiral’s post about the Artemis Fly Trap reminded me of the same gut reaction I had to his Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2012 video.  I like watching Todd’s reviews because I like watching people get angry at bad media, and he’s entertaining sometimes, but there are also times when he makes cringeworthy mistakes that cut down on the enjoyment — and when it came to the song “Wanted”, the disheartening thing is how many people would unthinkingly agree with him.

Why wouldn’t they, you know?  Because “men only want one thing” = men are categorically incapable of genuinely wanting nonsexual relationships with women, right?  Asexual men, those can’t exist, right? Continue reading

The Gender of God, Pt. 2

A continuation of the previous post, which discussed the idea that God is pangender.

Even though nobody’s changing my mind, I decided to go looking for whatever else has been put forth on the matter and came across this quaint little blather which I started to skim over before stopping at the following quote: Continue reading