Mermaid friend was making a comparison between me and someone else, and so she gestured to them and said “small gay” and then gestured to me and said “small…” and then just trailed off. So I asked something like, “What? You couldn’t decide on a noun? Ace can be a noun,” and she said, “No, I just don’t know how you feel about being referred to as a gay.”
…I don’t know how to explain to her that “how I feel about it” is mainly this strong sense of you’ll get in trouble.
What I actually said, for the record, was something along the lines of “the real gay people wouldn’t like that.”
me: [overhearing friend listing names/identities on skype chat in the other room, and then raising my voice to comment from behind a wall] Why is my name being mentioned?
her: [also raising her voice to reply through the wall] I was saying that you’re ace, and we’re playing gay bingo, so that’s worth a certain amount of points.
me: I mean, I, I guess that’s worth being outed for, but — [loud sputtering/incoherent reaction]
her: I can’t hear what’s happening, but I think I just started an argument.
me: No, no, I’m trying to warn you.
her: About what?
me: About the danger.
her: The danger?
me: Of saying that me being ace has any gay points. You’ll be excommunicated.
her: Excommunicated from what? Being gay?
Anyway. This… thing… tumblr meme? …of positioning ace/bi/pan folk as an allied unit was cute at first I guess, but it’s making me uncomfortable at this point.
‘Cause the theme has just more and more aggressively become this implication that The Hypocritical Gay Kids are invalidating and being bigoted toward innocent blameless ace/bi/pan folk, and, uh, while that definitely happens in specific incarnations (trust me, I’ve been there), it’s pretty clearly presented as if solely gay people (as a class) are Problematic and ace/bi/pan people (as a unified class) never engage in the same vice.
Which is false, by the way.
I’ve heard aces talk like anti-gay prejudice is mostly over and aces have it harder. I’ve seen bi/pan people get on lesbians’ case for not being into men. Our communities/demographics are not pristine.
If you’re addressing a specific case, that’s one thing, and if you’re just talking about things that have happened, that’s one thing, but if you’re adding that up to speak in metonymy as if gay people are guilty of invalidating others’ sexualities and ace/bi/pan folk totally aren’t… you’re wrong.
If one more straight kinkster compares being kinky to being gay or compares criticism of the kink community to homophobia I will be provoked to violence.