Tag Archives: flying right seat

Right doesn’t equal sexy.

There’s already a lot of debate around the ethics of engaging with (and, specifically, enjoying) unethical pieces of media (…however that might be defined). This isn’t about that so much.

This post is about the opposite.

Content Notes: sexuality and porn talk (non-explicit); morality & pleasure talk, including possible scrupulosity triggers.

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Normalizing the Punishment Kiss

a post talking about the normalization of kissing as sexual assault as seen on shows like The Flash and Brooklyn Nine Nine, especially when such actions are used as comedic punchlines with villains.

Prompt taken from this post by lemonyandbeatrice.

This post doesn’t entirely stick to the topic, but still — cn: attitudes about/media depictions of violence, including sexual violence, including details from a specific scene.

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a rhetorical invoice

Every once in a while, the copilot sends me an article on M/S to see what I think, and pretty much every time, I can’t get through it.  Since she’s requested my thoughts, here’s a catalog of recurring problems and unanswered questions, for future reference.

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Judgment Sets

Here’s another one of those things, besides the word “violence,” that gets confusing in ethical delineations of harm — assigning evaluation criteria based on who an act “involves.”

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Appeal in Asymmetry

A post on relationship asymmetry, whether long-term or situational, because everything else written on the subject drains me and apparently if you want something done you have to do it yourself.

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Centering

Discussions of how to call out a perpetrator rarely centre on the survivor’s needs. “Avoiding defensiveness” provides the pretence to shift the discussion back to the needs of the perpetrator. Once a perpetrator has been called out, a similar framework is used to undermine support for a survivor. The false supporters endlessly reassure us that they are not angry that a perpetrator was called out, it’s only the way they were called out. The fact that a survivor would speak openly about their experiences is seemingly taken as more violent and controversial than the violence of those experiences themselves, which warrant very little discussion by comparison. How a survivor’s public response might reflect their needs does not seem to occur to the false supporters as they are so preoccupied with their need to preserve an artificial social peace. Again we see liberal tendencies rearing their head, as the false supporters’ insistence on denouncing the resistance of survivors, on claiming to also despise the Culture of Rape while simultaneously diminishing any fight against it, is reminiscent of liberals who claim to agree with the grievances of protesters and yet condemn any actions they might take to address them.

Betrayal: a critical analysis of rape culture in anarchist subcultures, bolding added.  I have my misgiving about this zine but it’s got some good stuff and I might be posting more quotes from it soon.


went to a munch last night

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[cw: kink community, violence/violation]

Information on open/public munches (informal meal-centered get-togethers) is… tough to come by if you’re not on Fetlife, but I was able to find a couple of groups in my city on Meetup instead.  I’ve been waffling for a while now on whether to show up to any of them.

Just last night, I sent a text to the copilot, asking about both groups and the names of the organizers, since she was involved in the Scene in this city for a while and I thought there was a chance she might know of them and have the inside scoop.  I figured probably one out of the two might be bad news and one out of the two might be either unknown to her or just fine.

Got back a text saying:

“Both of those leader-people have been accused of consent violations.  I’d steer clear of them.”

o-o

Here’s what makes this even more creepy to me.  When you look on the About Us page of the one that declares that it’s run by an experienced “veteran,” it even has a warning to exercise caution and that “Although they are the exception rather than the rule, predators DO exist in this subculture, and some of them even lead groups like this one.”

See, this is why I have trust issues.


practice what you preach

I’m not going to write much on the subject right now because I am Tired, but the day I start believing the wider BDSM community’s claims about being overall “better” about consent than average (or even overall competent at all) is the day the copilot comes back from a BDSM convention without any stories of having witnessed a consent violation.


more fragments on pleasure and behavioral direction

The copilot asked me to write more about this.

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