Tag Archives: carnival of aces

In Sickness

When I picked “leaving” as the theme for the March Carnival of Aces just a few months back, little did I know that March would become a time of not leaving. This month, Siggy has picked the theme of “quarantine,” and I’m taking that as an opportunity to reflect here on the implications of contagious disease for a geographically-scattered community, as well as some potential directions for ace advocacy in the area of health & medical issues.

[Note: This post has been crossposted to Pillowfort.]

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Carnival of Aces – March 2020 Link Roundup: Leaving

A big thank you to everyone who responded to the call for submissions this month. The next Carnival, for April, is being hosted by Jam (vacanthands) on Pillowfort.

What Does It Mean to Leave an Ace Community? by Sara K.

Having one consolidated ace community can be a source of unity and strength, but it can also increase fragility. Overall, I think having multiple ace communities which are capable of collaborating with each other but are mostly distinct is ultimately more resilient.

Frequent Relocation & The One-Body Problem by Coyote

If the two-body problem describes the logistical hurdles of relocating together and pursuing academia as a couple, then the one-body problem is relocating solo and pursuing academia alone. You might assume that being single would negate the whole issue, but to the contrary, I figure the demands of academia can only make sense within the breadwinner-homemaker model. The two-body problem arises when a couple tries to operate with two breadwinners instead of one; on the flipside, if you try to operate as your sole breadwinner and homemaker both all on your own, you’re going to find yourself straining to fulfill both roles at once.

Planning For a Future That Will Involve A Lot Of Leaving by Kate

This is where my friends are; I have the kind of relationships that make me feel happy and fulfilled here.  And it’s harder to explain to others the heartache of leaving them than it would be to explain leaving a romantic partner.  Everyone understands and sympathizes when someone’s unhappy that they have to be apart from their romantic partner; but though it may be sad it’s expected that you’ll grow up, pursue your future, and move away from your friends, and that’s just life.

Literal “Social Distancing” From the Ace Community by Vesper

seemingly forever ago i wrote about why i’ve found myself increasingly drifting away from not only blogging about [my] asexuality, but also from general interaction with ace communities as a means of self-care. i hesitate to even bring up that particular post in relation to this month’s Carnival about “leaving” because it was never my intention to actually leave in the definitive sense of the word. rather, it was my intention (both consciously at times as well as unconsciously) to socially distance myself from ace spaces & discourse for so long as need be for me to stop feelings somekindofnegativeway.


Frequent Relocation & The One-Body Problem

A post about leaving, and then leaving, and leaving again — and how frequent relocation can exacerbate the issue of social isolation. Written for the March Carnival of Aces.

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Carnival of Aces – Call for Submissions: Leaving

For the month of March this year, I’m hosting the Carnival of Aces.

Edit: The link roundup has now been posted.

What’s the Carnival of Aces?

The Carnival of Aces is a monthly blogging event that’s been running since 2011. The host picks a theme for participants to write about, and then at the end of the month, the host publishes a roundup post linking back to all the submissions. If you’re interested in an aro version of the same idea, there’s also a Carnival of Aros, as well.

What’s the theme?

The theme for this month’s carnival is “Leaving.” This theme is intended to be broad & open to interpretation. For many people, choosing to leave (or being forced to leave) can be a difficult experience, so this topic can be taken in some heavy directions, but it’s up to you what to do with it.

With that said, here are some prompts to help get you thinking:

  • Have you ever had to leave a situation, a place, a community, a relationship? How did your ace identity play a role?
  • How has asexuality impacted endings and exits, for you?
  • What are some transient/impermanent elements of your relationship to the ace community or the asexual umbrella? Are there any habits, experiences, connections, etc. that you’ve left behind?
  • Sometimes endings can also be intertwined with new beginnings. What are some new things in your life that have replaced what came before them? And how does that connect with (a)sexuality, for you?
  • Is there anything that you’ve noticed the ace community has been giving up or leaving behind?
  • What are some reasons that you’ve traveled or embarked on any temporary “leaving”? How did your ace identity play a role?
  • Is there anything ace-related that you’ve been meaning to finish or stay involved with, but just haven’t managed to stick around for?
  • Related to asexuality, what are some things that you’d like to leave behind, but haven’t quite worked up to quitting just yet? Or the reverse: what are some things that you’ve refused to give up?

How do I participate?

First, write and publish a post on the theme. All blogging platforms are welcome: WordPress, Blogger, Tumblr, Pillowfort, Dreamwidth, or anything else you choose to use, as long as the post you create is public. Technically, what you submit doesn’t even need to be a blog post — it just needs to be something available online with a url that can be linked. For examples of what previous submissions have looked like, you can browse any of the roundups linked at the Carnival of Aces Masterpost. Last month, the Carnival was hosted by Emrys at Live to Learn, on the theme of “Identity.”

Once you’ve posted your entry, then just share the link with me. You can do that by using the comment section below this post (anyone can comment) or by using one of my contacts to send it to me. Either way, I will confirm that your submission has been received — so if you don’t hear back with confirmation within a few days, you’ll know that you should try again.

The deadline for submissions is Tuesday the 31st of March. I am willing to take late submissions, and I’ll wait a day or two before posting the final roundup just in case, but this is what you should shoot for.

Note that anyone and everyone is invited to participate, as long as your entry deals both with the theme & with the asexual umbrella. This extends to bloggers who currently identify under the umbrella, those who are questioning an ace identity, and those who have identified with the umbrella in the past, as well as those with any other relationship to the ace umbrella that may be more tenuous or complicated than that.

If you have any questions, or if there’s anything else I can help with, just let me know.


The Glossary & the Gristmill

This post is my entry for this month’s Carnival of Aces, on the theme of “telling our stories.” In it, I’m trying to make three main points: One, aces cannot live on glossaries alone — we need stories, not just to demonstrate what ace experiences are like, but also to address internal intracommunity dynamics among ourselves. Two, because stories are so important, it is doubly a problem when our fellow aces foster an environment that makes sensitive and painful stories that much harder to tell. In other words, I’m saying our own community is contributing, in part, to why it feels like certain stories can’t be told. Three, there are things we can do and things we can use to foster a different environment — that is, to do right by each other and to make our stories easier to tell.

[Content Notes: this post does contain some discussion of violence, including sexual violence, conversion therapy, and murder. There’s an especially severe section on disrespectful treatment of these matters with a separate, additional warning — you’ll find it between the second header and the third, enclosed with the tags <severe section begins here> and <end severe section>.]

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Carnival of Aces July 2019 (“Home”): Link Roundup

A big thank you to our participants this month who responded to the call for submissions for July’s Carnival of Aces. The next Carnival, for August, is being hosted by LoyalTiger06 at The Demi Deviant, and the call for submissions has been posted.

Here are all the Carnival entries written for July, under the theme of “Home”:


All Third Wheeled and Nowhere to Go

A post for the July Carnival of Aces, on the theme of “Home.”

In my culture, there’s two main categories of people you’re expected to live with, in the long run: family members and (romantic) partners. If you’re thinking about how asexuality affects who you live with, talking about romantic relationships is the most obvious connection to make—that’s one of the oldest topic in the community. If you wanted links on the subject, I wouldn’t even know where to start. There’s also plenty already out there on asexuality and family, usually in the vein of guides for parents or advice/reflections on coming out. There was even a previous Carnival of Aces on the subject.

But under the umbrella of “people you live with,” for many of us there’s actually a third category, and that’s the nebulous category roommates. There’s not nearly so much discussion of asexuality & roommates, presumably because the two are expected to have nothing to do with each other. Or, if an ace identity is relevant to a relationship with a roommate somehow, it’s expected that will occur only in the context of a friendship, meaning that any relevant reflections or advice will fall under the more general category of dealings with friends. Whether or not you live together is (ostensibly) supposed to have nothing to do with it. At least, that’s what I gather from the comparative silence on the subject. You can find a few AVEN threads and reddit threads about roommate issues, or the occasional comment thread, but it’s not anything people are writing big official guides about.

Which is unfortunate, from my perspective, because I could have used one.

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Carnival of Aces July 2019 Call for Submissions: Home

For the month of July this year, I’m hosting the Carnival of Aces.

What is the Carnival of Aces?

The Carnival of Aces is a blogging carnival, running monthly since 2011, where bloggers collaborate to write on a shared theme. At the end of the month, the host (that’s me) will publish a post featuring links back to all the submissions. If you’re interested in an aro version, there’s also a Carnival of Aros you can check out as well.

The theme for this month’s carnival is “Home.”

[an ace playing card with a house icon as the suit symbol]

This theme is intended to be broad & open to interpretation. You can apply it in any way you wish. With that said, here are some prompts to get your wheels turning:

  • How does being ace affect where you live?
  • How does being ace affect who you live with?
  • How does your ace identity affect your living space?
  • How does where you live affect your relationship to the ace community?
  • What are some things that make you feel more “at home,” either in a place or in a community? Or vice versa, less “at home”?
  • Whether or not you’ve achieved it, what is your ideal living situation? Who do you want to share a home with? Or are you someone who prefers to live alone?
  • Have you ever “left home,” whatever that means to you?
  • How do you know when you are “home”?

How to create and submit your entry:

First, write and publish something on the theme.
All blogging platforms are welcome: WordPress, Blogger, Tumblr, Pillowfort, Dreamwidth, or anything else you choose to use, as long as the post you create is public. Technically, what you submit doesn’t even need to be a blog post — it just needs to be something available online with a url that can be linked. For examples of what previous submissions have looked like, you can browse any of the roundups linked at the Carnival of Aces Masterpost. Last month, the Carnival was hosted by Lib at A³ on the theme of “Then, Now, & Tomorrow.”

Then just drop the link in the comment section here on this post.
Alternatively, if you prefer, you can email me the link. Either way, I will confirm that your submission has been received — so if you don’t hear back with confirmation within a few days, you’ll know that you should try again.

The deadline for submissions is July 31st. I am willing to take late submissions, and I’ll wait a day or two before posting the final roundup just in case, but this is what you should shoot for.

Note that anyone and everyone is invited to participate, as long as your entry deals both with the theme & with the asexual umbrella. This extends to bloggers who currently identify under the umbrella, those who are questioning an ace identity, and those who have identified with the umbrella in the past, as well as those with any other relationship to the ace umbrella more tenuous or complicated than that.

If you have any questions or anything else I can help with, just let me know. Happy blogging, and I’ll see you on the other side.

Edit: the roundup has been posted!


Watching through the window vs. closing the blinds and building a pillowfort

This post is for the July Carnival of Aces, on the theme of “then and now.”

In the past five years or so, my relationship to the ace community has changed, gradually. There’s a difference between saying that and saying that the ace community has changed, and I don’t think I’m in touch enough now (or have ever been) to confidently make a case like that… but, because there are so many bloggers I know who are burned out on ace discussions or dead sick of the usual unmerry-go-round, I also know I’m not alone in feeling tired, and drifting, and withdrawing, and sometimes, closing the blinds. But this isn’t a post about being jaded and frustrated with the state of things (as fair as those posts are). This is also a post about changing my online practices to better suit what I actually want out of ace blogging, and how that’s still a work in progress for me.

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Tapping at “Stone”: me & a stone (a)sexuality

asexual flag stonesThis post is my submission to the January 2018 Carnival of Aces under the theme of “Identity.” Specifically, this post deals with topics of sexuality, identity, alienation, labeling, doubt, touch, trauma, and abuse.

This impetus for this post is a tumblr post about “being stone vs. being asexual” that Rowan shared with me, after it came up as a recommended post on their dash. There’s maybe a few different things I would question in that post (emphasis on question, since some of it is beyond my depth), but maybe chief among them is how stone sexuality & asexuality are being presented as either/or, i.e. mutually exclusive.

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