Tag Archives: carnival of aces

The Uphill Climb it Would Take to Repair the Welcome Mat

I don’t know that I should be writing this here, but it’s like I was telling the Elizabeth the other day: I want so badly for the ace community to be in a state worth returning to.

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A Condensed History of Asexuals Arguing with Asexuals Over What Asexuality Is

Note: this post was originally posted to Pillowfort last June, but I’m belatedly reposting it here for the October Carnival of Aces on “multitudes.” Credit for the preview image to Bailey Rae Weaver, licensed under CC BY 2.0.

Recently I was reminded that some people read some kind of sinister conspiracy into the fact that the asexual community is not a hivemind — and lambasting various definitions of asexuality as “incoherent” (though to be honest, I think what they actually mean is “inconsistent”). It seems like the traditional response to these accusations has been to say “no it’s not, it’s just ____.” However, I think it’s worth remembering — and embracing! — the fact that what we call “the asexual community” has rarely if ever had a total consensus on anything, including the definition of asexuality itself. 

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An Ace Bullet Manifesto

For the September 2020 Carnival of Aces, drawing on some prior notes.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort. Preview image by DBPerko, CC BY-NC 2.0.]

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Directions for Ace Community Advocacy

In the call for submissions for the August 2020 Carnival of Aces, one of the prompts invited us to consider what is and isn’t working, in terms of ace community advocacy — and what we would like to see make a comeback. It’s a daunting set of questions to tackle, but I want to comment on a few select things here: certain ventures that I think have been a misguided use of energy, and others that deserve their due, plus a few projects I’d like to see initiated, revived, or given more support.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort. Preview image by DBPerko, CC BY-NC 2.0.]

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A Retrospective on Stagnation and Renewal

This post is my submission to the July Carnival of Aces on the theme of “Renaissance.” Since there weren’t a lot of suggestions provided on how to approach the theme, I was initially unsure about where to go with it. After all, the word “renaissance” paints a much more grandiose image than a simpler word like “change.” It wouldn’t seem right for me to say that ace culture has undergone a renaissance, so I won’t try. What I can speak to is a kind of revival in my own ace blogging and which factors are the most responsible for that. So here I’m using this prompt for a kind of seven-year retrospective, with a specific emphasis on some turning points around 2015-17 and 2019.

The short version: tiresome old things got stale, and then discovering new people and new things to talk about renewed my motivation. Breathing new life into the community as a whole, though, would call for a lot more than that.

[ Preview image by Jeremiah John McBride, CC BY-ND 2.0. ]

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In Sickness

When I picked “leaving” as the theme for the March Carnival of Aces just a few months back, little did I know that March would become a time of not leaving. This month, Siggy has picked the theme of “quarantine,” and I’m taking that as an opportunity to reflect here on the implications of contagious disease for a geographically-scattered community, as well as some potential directions for ace advocacy in the area of health & medical issues.

[Note: This post has been crossposted to Pillowfort.]

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Carnival of Aces – March 2020 Link Roundup: Leaving

A big thank you to everyone who responded to the call for submissions this month. The next Carnival, for April, is being hosted by Jam (vacanthands) on Pillowfort.

What Does It Mean to Leave an Ace Community? by Sara K.

Having one consolidated ace community can be a source of unity and strength, but it can also increase fragility. Overall, I think having multiple ace communities which are capable of collaborating with each other but are mostly distinct is ultimately more resilient.

Frequent Relocation & The One-Body Problem by Coyote

If the two-body problem describes the logistical hurdles of relocating together and pursuing academia as a couple, then the one-body problem is relocating solo and pursuing academia alone. You might assume that being single would negate the whole issue, but to the contrary, I figure the demands of academia can only make sense within the breadwinner-homemaker model. The two-body problem arises when a couple tries to operate with two breadwinners instead of one; on the flipside, if you try to operate as your sole breadwinner and homemaker both all on your own, you’re going to find yourself straining to fulfill both roles at once.

Planning For a Future That Will Involve A Lot Of Leaving by Kate

This is where my friends are; I have the kind of relationships that make me feel happy and fulfilled here.  And it’s harder to explain to others the heartache of leaving them than it would be to explain leaving a romantic partner.  Everyone understands and sympathizes when someone’s unhappy that they have to be apart from their romantic partner; but though it may be sad it’s expected that you’ll grow up, pursue your future, and move away from your friends, and that’s just life.

Literal “Social Distancing” From the Ace Community by Vesper

seemingly forever ago i wrote about why i’ve found myself increasingly drifting away from not only blogging about [my] asexuality, but also from general interaction with ace communities as a means of self-care. i hesitate to even bring up that particular post in relation to this month’s Carnival about “leaving” because it was never my intention to actually leave in the definitive sense of the word. rather, it was my intention (both consciously at times as well as unconsciously) to socially distance myself from ace spaces & discourse for so long as need be for me to stop feelings somekindofnegativeway.


Frequent Relocation & The One-Body Problem

A post about leaving, and then leaving, and leaving again — and how frequent relocation can exacerbate the issue of social isolation. Written for the March Carnival of Aces.

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Carnival of Aces – Call for Submissions: Leaving

For the month of March this year, I’m hosting the Carnival of Aces.

Edit: The link roundup has now been posted.

What’s the Carnival of Aces?

The Carnival of Aces is a monthly blogging event that’s been running since 2011. The host picks a theme for participants to write about, and then at the end of the month, the host publishes a roundup post linking back to all the submissions. If you’re interested in an aro version of the same idea, there’s also a Carnival of Aros, as well.

What’s the theme?

The theme for this month’s carnival is “Leaving.” This theme is intended to be broad & open to interpretation. For many people, choosing to leave (or being forced to leave) can be a difficult experience, so this topic can be taken in some heavy directions, but it’s up to you what to do with it.

With that said, here are some prompts to help get you thinking:

  • Have you ever had to leave a situation, a place, a community, a relationship? How did your ace identity play a role?
  • How has asexuality impacted endings and exits, for you?
  • What are some transient/impermanent elements of your relationship to the ace community or the asexual umbrella? Are there any habits, experiences, connections, etc. that you’ve left behind?
  • Sometimes endings can also be intertwined with new beginnings. What are some new things in your life that have replaced what came before them? And how does that connect with (a)sexuality, for you?
  • Is there anything that you’ve noticed the ace community has been giving up or leaving behind?
  • What are some reasons that you’ve traveled or embarked on any temporary “leaving”? How did your ace identity play a role?
  • Is there anything ace-related that you’ve been meaning to finish or stay involved with, but just haven’t managed to stick around for?
  • Related to asexuality, what are some things that you’d like to leave behind, but haven’t quite worked up to quitting just yet? Or the reverse: what are some things that you’ve refused to give up?

How do I participate?

First, write and publish a post on the theme. All blogging platforms are welcome: WordPress, Blogger, Tumblr, Pillowfort, Dreamwidth, or anything else you choose to use, as long as the post you create is public. Technically, what you submit doesn’t even need to be a blog post — it just needs to be something available online with a url that can be linked. For examples of what previous submissions have looked like, you can browse any of the roundups linked at the Carnival of Aces Masterpost. Last month, the Carnival was hosted by Emrys at Live to Learn, on the theme of “Identity.”

Once you’ve posted your entry, then just share the link with me. You can do that by using the comment section below this post (anyone can comment) or by using one of my contacts to send it to me. Either way, I will confirm that your submission has been received — so if you don’t hear back with confirmation within a few days, you’ll know that you should try again.

The deadline for submissions is Tuesday the 31st of March. I am willing to take late submissions, and I’ll wait a day or two before posting the final roundup just in case, but this is what you should shoot for.

Note that anyone and everyone is invited to participate, as long as your entry deals both with the theme & with the asexual umbrella. This extends to bloggers who currently identify under the umbrella, those who are questioning an ace identity, and those who have identified with the umbrella in the past, as well as those with any other relationship to the ace umbrella that may be more tenuous or complicated than that.

If you have any questions, or if there’s anything else I can help with, just let me know.


The Glossary & the Gristmill

This post is my entry for this month’s Carnival of Aces, on the theme of “telling our stories.” In it, I’m trying to make three main points: One, aces cannot live on glossaries alone — we need stories, not just to demonstrate what ace experiences are like, but also to address internal intracommunity dynamics among ourselves. Two, because stories are so important, it is doubly a problem when our fellow aces foster an environment that makes sensitive and painful stories that much harder to tell. In other words, I’m saying our own community is contributing, in part, to why it feels like certain stories can’t be told. Three, there are things we can do and things we can use to foster a different environment — that is, to do right by each other and to make our stories easier to tell.

[Content Notes: this post does contain some discussion of violence, including sexual violence, conversion therapy, and murder. There’s an especially severe section on disrespectful treatment of these matters with a separate, additional warning — you’ll find it between the second header and the third, enclosed with the tags <severe section begins here> and <end severe section>.]

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