Tag Archives: asexual

“Am I Asexual?”

I see a lot of people getting confused on what counts and what doesn’t whenever I browse asexuality askblogs, and while you’re the only person who can decide what label fits you best, it might help to know what factors are irrelevant in figuring out your sexual orientation.  So, without further ado:

What makes you asexual:

[ “Gray-asexual” is an umbrella term for people on the asexual spectrum who don’t match this definition exactly but rely on asexuality as a close reference point. ]

What makes you demisexual:

  • being asexual most of the time — not being sexually attracted to strangers — but sometimes experiencing sexual attraction to certain people: people with whom you’ve already formed a close emotional bond

[ Read another explanation of demisexuality here, and check the Links page for more. ]

What doesn’t matter (in determining your orientation):

  • whether or not you’ve had sex
    Some aces have, some aces haven’t.
  • whether or not you dislike sex
    Some aces do, some aces don’t.
  • whether or not you’d be willing to have sex
    Some aces are, some aces aren’t.
  • whether or not you have a libido
    Some aces do, some aces don’t.
  • whether or not you masturbate
    Some aces do, some aces don’t.
  • whether or not you like close cuddling/nonsexual touching
    Some aces do, some aces don’t.
  • whether or not you get crushes on people
    Some aces do, some aces don’t.
  • whether or not you’ve been abused
    Some aces have, some aces haven’t.  Your orientation is still your orientation.
  • whether or not you’re mentally ill, autistic, or disabled
    Some aces are, some aces aren’t.  None of these negate your experience.
  • whether or not you’re religious or “repressed”
    You can’t talk yourself into not having an orientation.
  • whether or not you’re “too young to know”
    The average age at which people start experiencing sexual attraction is age 10.  While it’s entirely possible that your orientation could change later, how you describe yourself now can still be an accurate way to describe yourself now.

If anyone has more to add, let me know in the comments.  Alternatively, you can always submit something via the askbox.


Cake, Food, and Sex: Attraction Analogies & Hierarchical Comparisons

The concept of asexuality — human asexuality — confuses an awful lot of people, which is why it’s tempting to turn to a more familiar metaphor to explain it.  Comparing sex (the act) and genders (of people) to desserts, a couple of popular posts on Tumblr have used food analogies to explain this and other orientations. [ 1 2 ]

I’m not a fan.  Continue reading