tfw you want to talk to your therapist about some stress-amplified health issues but then you realize you can’t do that without spilling that a few months back there was a big spike in your suicidality and you can’t explain *that* without revealing your sex repulsion :/
Tag Archives: arcflux
After having seen this:
…and now this:
…I have to wonder what’s going through people’s heads, that they’d position “stone butch” and “soft butch” at spectral poles, as if stone butch is just the extreme end of butch expression and doesn’t mean anything else beside that. It would almost make me doubt my sense of the term was grounded in anything after all, if I hadn’t managed to read what little I did of Stone Butch Blues. Has the meaning shifted, since then? I hope it hasn’t.
Cuz, look. Out of the unintelligible soup of gendersense in my mug, I’ve picked out a kind of loose connection with butchness — that I feel hesitant naming that way, because I feel like I don’t have the skill set or hardness or the qualifications to claim it. So the concept of partial/medium butchness, or soft butch, is appealing for that reason. Meanwhile, I feel kind of stone, too. Not stone as in sexually giving or whatever, but stone as in “don’t touch me, gtfo.”
And so, seeing them positioned as mutually exclusive like this? Is… confusing. Like apparently I must be reading myself wrong, one way or the other, or both.
But you know what, forget that, suck it. Softstone is a viable combination and I’m not ready to let anyone take it from me.
It may seem strange, amid oodles of food analogies, but it occurred to me recently that I could craft a better analogy for my own experiences by comparing them to how I experience pain.
Just hear me out.
[ CN: this is a post about wanting sex, having sex, motivations for having sex, etc. It might be a hair more graphic than my usual posts… but that’s not really saying much. ]
Isolde wrote in:
A linkspam on discomfort with, uncertainty about, objections to, and otherwise contesting various uses, applications, and interpretations of the current model of sex-adjectives (i.e. sex-indifferent, sex-averse, sex-repulsed, and sometimes, sex-favorable), featuring: aces who aren’t sure how to label themselves, aces with murky/inconsistent/imprecise experiences, aces who don’t like the way they’re being labeled by others, and aces who don’t like the way others are interpreting the labels they identify with.
While I can’t directly respond to the call for more sharing on the subject of sex-favorable asexuality, Talia’s post reminded me that I don’t think I’ve seen many essay-style posts on personal experiences of being arcflux, at least not lately, so that’s what this’ll be. My goals here:
- a handy post for linking if I want to use this term & preempt “what’s that mean?”
- introspection, sorting things out in words, public talking to myself (because others may get something out of it)
- articulate why I’m drawn to this word & what I mean by it