Tag Archives: allonormativity

This is why we can’t have nice things


“Take Me to Church” is essentially about sex, but it’s a tongue-in-cheek attack at organizations that would … well, it’s about sex and it’s about humanity, and obviously sex and humanity are incredibly tied. Sexuality, and sexual orientation – regardless of orientation – is just natural. An act of sex is one of the most human things. But an organization like the church, say, through its doctrine, would undermine humanity by successfully teaching shame about sexual orientation – that it is sinful, or that it offends God. The song is about asserting yourself and reclaiming your humanity through an act of love.

  • sex is not “an act of love” or “one of the most human things”
  • rhetoric like this is what denies me my humanity
  • rhetoric like this is what teaches me shame about my sexuality
  • when are people going to quit acting like combining sex and Church stuff is new and subversive?  ’cause it ain’t.
  • if you want to criticize oppressive organizations like the Church, there are so many ways you could do that
  • and instead you went with this
  • and in the name of being “tongue-in-cheek” and celebrating things that are already celebrated, you call me unnatural and less than human and you pat yourself on the back for it

On Partnership and Ace Guilt

[ warning for some perhaps-more-intense-than-usual talk of sexual pressure/coercion and guilt-tripping/victim-blaming ]

Remember when I wrote this post just a while ago?  I’m revisiting that topic again in light of things such as this incident and this comment and this message, but mostly because of the thread beginning with this comment:

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On Aces, Relationships, and Being “Up Front”

This post is about extending the ideas to be found in this tumblr post (go read it, it’s good).  Note that, although that link doesn’t so much, this post deals rather bluntly with issues surrounding consent, rape, and sexual pressure from romantic partners, so be warned of that.

First of all, I just made a post about some of this, and apparently that message needs to get out even more than I thought it did.  However, Tani’s post reminded me of another thought I’ve been mulling over for a while, brought to mind again when I read the paraphrased sentiments at the beginning of their post: this idea that “…asexuals shouldn’t expect allosexuals to be in sexless relationships and should be up front about the fact that they don’t want sex etc.”

Let’s focus on the latter half of that for now, because I think the problem with “you shouldn’t expect your partner to not have sex with you just because that’s what you want” speaks for itself.

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Allonormativity, Self vs. Other, and the Delayed Realization

A post about the “I should have realized I was asexual” phenomenon.

There are several patterns in asexual narratives with regards to the part of life or period of time before a person began identifying as ace.  One of the worst of those patterns includes the pain of feeling broken, irrational, and subhuman — and we know, more or less, where that pain comes from.  Its roots are easy to trace.

The pattern that produces more confusion, upon reflection, is its opposite: when individual aces are slow to come to the realization that they’re asexual, even in the face of glaring evidence. Continue reading