As many of you know, around the Tumblr “ask” messaging system has grown a culture of dedicated ask-advice blogs, typically inviting questions on specific identities and experiences, such as asexuality. Ideally, these blogs should be helpful places for soliciting advice and making contact with new communities. Unfortunately, however, these blogs face certain inherent problems that severely limit how useful they can be.
The biggest limitations lie in three structural elements of the format: 1) the single respondent, 2) the delayed posting of the initial message, and 3) the notifications all going to the person who answers, not the person who asks. In addition, there are also some psychological issues to account for. Popular advice bloggers, facing a deluge of advice-seekers, are especially prone to writing answers that are both 4) overconfident and 5) rushed, resulting in especially shallow, misleading, or even harmful advice. Aside from changing Tumblr’s features directly, one way to mitigate these issues would be by cultivating more of a culture of links.
[cw: medical talk, genitals talk, etc.]
Found some ace blogs recommending all folks w/ cervices get pap tests.
If I had my way (and 1000x more brainpower), I’d have helped put together a log far more extensive than this, but for now… recent events have pushed my “something’s better than nothing” sentiment to outpace my perfectionism. So here’s a very minimal sampling thrown together to meet that “better than nothing” threshold: links, resources, and recommended reading for anyone heading an asexuality-themed blog.
Now, this might be going too far, I suppose, but it occurs to me that if someone’s asking for sources to prove that asexuality isn’t “just something tumblr made up,” mm, you might want to provide links that aren’t… several tumblr posts, and then one non-tumblr article that’s primarily about gayness.
Granted, yes, some of those tumblr posts do link non-tumblr sources, which you’ll see if you go as far as looking at them.
But considering the kind of people you might be dealing with, if “just something tumblr made up” is the question on the table…
You might want to take some preemptive measures.
By the way, this and this and this exist.
[cw: sex as a point of contention in romantic relationships]
Anonymous wrote in:
Have you seen this post? “Some people desire sex and feel like they need to have sex with their partner in order to have a fulfilling & happy relationship with them, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.” http://theasexualityblog.tumblr.com/post/142562968716/joshnewberry-peak-bad-discourse-is-its
It reminded me of your post “equating sex with love is rape culture” and I was curious as to your thoughts.
(link to “equating sex with love is rape culture”)
No, I hadn’t seen it.
This question strikes me as the kind of message sent by someone who takes issue with joshnewberry’s post but wants someone else to address it for them. Honestly I can’t say I have a problem with that tactic.
You might not get what you hoped for, though.
As an extension of the conversation that produced this list of bad advice from ace advice blogs, I’m making this post to provide some concrete tips (for mods of such blogs) on how to recognize and give advice about potentially abusive situations.