Category Archives: Asexuality & Religion

LDS & asexuality

Today in my referrers I found a link to a blog called Mormons n Sex, where one of my posts has been linked here.

Potentially of interest to y’all.

bookstore adventure

The copilot was in town today, and we went several places together, including the bookstore.  After she wandered off and then found me again, she made a comment about the predictability of having found me “on your knees in the religion section.”

I, being all flustered that she had pointed this out, rather pointedly shifted position from kneeling to squatting.

Anyway, I found this in the theology/comparative subsection.

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phone conversation

the copilot: (reading from the back of a book her friend gave her) “…Using Liberation Theology and Queer Theory, [this book] exposes the sexual roots that underlie all theology…”

me: (groaning) Why won’t people just leave me alone?

ace spaces & attitudes toward religion?

Since it got promo’d in the AA linkspam, I looked into the new muslimaces blog (!) and scrolled down to find the introduction post.  All of it sounds very nice, some of it even reminding me of my reasons for creating this blog, but there was one line that caught me by surprise:

Ace spaces are pretty religion phobic, there is no denying

Are they?

I certainly wouldn’t have made such a claim in my first post here, and still wouldn’t now, although I wouldn’t deny it, either.  A statement on “religion” would include all religions, but I wonder how much this indicates a disparity in the experience of Christian aces and Muslim aces, and I’m posting this not to disagree but to reach out for more perspectives, especially from aces who consider themselves “religious,” “spiritual,” or otherwise distant from the broad atheist + “nonreligious” demographic (not sure what words to use for people like you, Cor, but you’re invited).

hey this looks neat

Y’all are into sexuality and religion stuff, right?  Somebody should read this book for me.

Lift High the Cross: Where White Supremacy and the Christian Right Converge

This is why we can’t have nice things


“Take Me to Church” is essentially about sex, but it’s a tongue-in-cheek attack at organizations that would … well, it’s about sex and it’s about humanity, and obviously sex and humanity are incredibly tied. Sexuality, and sexual orientation – regardless of orientation – is just natural. An act of sex is one of the most human things. But an organization like the church, say, through its doctrine, would undermine humanity by successfully teaching shame about sexual orientation – that it is sinful, or that it offends God. The song is about asserting yourself and reclaiming your humanity through an act of love.

  • sex is not “an act of love” or “one of the most human things”
  • rhetoric like this is what denies me my humanity
  • rhetoric like this is what teaches me shame about my sexuality
  • when are people going to quit acting like combining sex and Church stuff is new and subversive?  ’cause it ain’t.
  • if you want to criticize oppressive organizations like the Church, there are so many ways you could do that
  • and instead you went with this
  • and in the name of being “tongue-in-cheek” and celebrating things that are already celebrated, you call me unnatural and less than human and you pat yourself on the back for it

Christianity as Trauma

A few days ago, I came across Cinderace’s comment on one of Siggy’s posts, regarding the “What if I’m really this way just because of _____?” question (and why people ask it).  Maybe it would make more sense to reply to the comment directly, but I’m not really replying so much as branching off of it, and anyhow Christianity and asexuality are my pet subject and so naturally this has to go on my blog.

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Please stop saying “aces aren’t repressed”

Or at the very least, reconsider what it means to say that “aces aren’t repressed.”

This post is for the February 2015 Carnival of Aces, applying the theme of “cross community connections” to my complicated relationships with the ace community and the Christian Church.

First, however, I feel obligated to make a case for why such a discussion is even relevant.  Unlike my identity as an ace, my “religious community” is not on the victim end of any institutional force of exploitation and abuse.  Far from it, in fact.  Presumably, some of you may believe that anything coming from the Church is going to be wrong anyway.  And… yeah, I won’t argue that, but I think by ignoring the area completely you’re going to be missing out on some inferences and connections that have serious implications for all aces in general.  Or, in other words, let’s take a moment to wonder why I get the impression that both sides in this matter are taking pains not to be mistaken for… well, someone like me.

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a small thing

So Queenie’s sparking a discussion that I’m in the process of writing a post for (it may take a while) but one thing I want to note, real quick, is that I’ve noticed a resurgence of little disclaimers about “I don’t know if it was my religious upbringing or what” when it comes to pondering reasons for not wanting or being hesitant/unsure/conflicted/uncertain about sex, and given the usual tone and context, it reminds me of a question I once posed:

Are we still “not broken” if we’re the ones who broke ourselves?

Romance, Sex, and Christmas

I don’t get why Christmas is seen as romantic.  an ornament on an evergreen tree

Alright, allow me to clarify: I do get why Christmas is seen as “romantic” in the classical sense of “an idealized version of reality,” what with the sparkling trees and the spirit of generosity and chestnuts roasting on an open fire and all that.  I even associate the idea of Christmas with the idea of snow, even though I’ve never experienced snow during Christmastime once in my life (I live in Texas, so this is to be expected).

What I don’t get is why Christmas is seen as romantic, in the sense of kisses and dates and amatonormativity.  And by “seen as”, I’m referring to everything from the romantic-sexual Christmas songs on the radio (from the uncomfortable “Santa, Baby” to the even more uncomfortable “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”) to all the Christmas romcoms that exist for some unholy reason.

Admittedly, the mistletoe thing may have a big part in it.  But according to my cursory research, the symbolism of mistletoe used to be more broad as well.

The Christmas holiday is not all that ideologically important to me, I should note, so this isn’t much of a bother besides the heterosexuals throwing their stuff in my face yet again.  I just find it kind of mystifying.

Why not Easter, for example?  I hardly ever hear of people romanticizing/sexualizing Easter, even though it’s traditions are ripe with potential.  It has pagan origins as a fertility festival, for Pete’s sake.  Rabbits and flowers and eggs as its symbols?  What do you think all that is about?

Easter hasn’t made as much of an imprint on the American imagination, however.  Granted, out of the two, Christmas is the holiday that’s easier to monetize (“celebrating the giving of gifts” vs. “celebrating new life”).  But does it necessarily follow that what’s easier to market becomes that which is given more cultural precedence becomes that which becomes more romanticized and sexualized?

You might also argue that it’s because Christmas is in the winter (in this hemisphere), and cold weather inspires people to huddle together and share warmth.  In the context of a culture in which personal touch is heavily coded as sexual and/or romantic, the entire idea of winter itself could be romanti-sexualized.  But we equally sexualize the summer when it’s expected for people to show more skin and wear less clothing, for similar reasons.  So why isn’t the Fourth of July, a summer holiday in America that encourages spending, given a similar treatment?

The romantic discourse swirling around Christmas may be intuitive on some levels, but it remains strange to me, not only because its current rendition is so far removed from the shabby Mediterranean birthday story it’s supposedly based on, but because I and so many others associate Christmastime with family time, for better or for worse.  That doesn’t mesh naturally with dating and romance, from my point of view.

You could say I’m overthinking it, but it remains pretty dang weird.