[Note: this post has been crossposted to Pillowfort. Updated 3/19/19.]
Since I’ve been thinking lately on the topics of those-who-struggle-with-labels and the process of getting new terms to take root, I decided I’d put together a brief timeline of one specific subset of that: disidentification with and personal rejection of romantic orientation.
Featured in this post: the coinage and meaning of wtfromantic, the subsequent coinage and meaning of quoiromantic, some discussion over competing definitions, and a sampling of personal reflection posts on the topic demonstrating its continued relevance over the past eight years. Formatted by year, with select text excerpts in blockquotes.
This post is for the July Carnival of Aces, on the theme of “then and now.”
In the past five years or so, my relationship to the ace community has changed, gradually. There’s a difference between saying that and saying that the ace community has changed, and I don’t think I’m in touch enough now (or have ever been) to confidently make a case like that… but, because there are so many bloggers I know who are burned out on ace discussions or dead sick of the usual unmerry-go-round, I also know I’m not alone in feeling tired, and drifting, and withdrawing, and sometimes, closing the blinds. But this isn’t a post about being jaded and frustrated with the state of things (as fair as those posts are). This is also a post about changing my online practices to better suit what I actually want out of ace blogging, and how that’s still a work in progress for me.
You know, as much as I don’t actually regret writing that “what to do if you think your partner might be asexual” post (because I think the world needs it), it does seem to be, simultaneously, 1) the reason for getting a lot of messages in my askbox all like “I want to confront my boyfriend because I think he’s asexual, what do you think my approach should be” and yet, at the same time, 2) it’s also a post that these people do not actually seem to have read.
Anyway I normally give detailed responses to these things but I rarely get any indication that the intended people read them and my patience wears thin over the years, so… I have no advice for you until you go and actually read the original post.
lol nothing like a little academic reading on “purity culture” to reopen some old baggage
[cn: conservative Christian talk, anti-ace stuff, discussion of rape (fictional and political)]
Let me walk you through this series of events: I visited Rowan’s and Queenie’s blog and saw these two posts within a short timeframe of each other, so I thought, oh, looks like Redbeard’s been making graphics, I wonder what else he’s uploaded lately. Turns out: animated flags. Flags which I mostly recognized, except for… one, labeled as a “gray-asexual flag.”
For your convenience, I’ll skip over the “I thought gray-aces already had a flag” reaction and jump straight to these other parts:
This seems like a good place to ask: if someone were writing a rhetorical studies article on (perceptions of) asexuality, do you know of any academic work you would expect to see cited? –or think it’s important to have read? Not necessarily the definitional “what is asexuality, who are asexuals” type of thing, but more in relation to broader culture or other subcultures. I know there are a few pages out there with asexuality bibliographies and such, but I’m not assuming that stuff’s up to date.
Summer wrote in on April 25th: