Author Archives: Coyote

Ace of Spirals

This is a followup post to A Case for a Convergence-Divergence Spectrum, so if that terminology is new to you, start there.

Previously, I explained convergence and divergence as a gradient, a subjective judgement, and a matter of degree. For example, I’d map myself on the divergent end of the spectrum — with a narrow, specific orientation rather than more broadly-encompassing one. However, that also comes with a few caveats.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort. Preview image: Spiral Selfie by Howard Ignatius, licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.]

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A Case for a Convergence-Divergence Spectrum

Introducing “convergence” and “divergence” might seem like introducing unnecessary jargon into an already jargon-heavy ecosystem, but whatever you want to call it, a concept like this is necessary in order to address a certain lexical gap. This is a subject that people are already talking about — and without a dedicated term for it, they’re being hobbled by terminology that wasn’t designed for the purpose.

In this post, I explain into the nature of the problem, where it might’ve came from, and a possible solution. Written for the January 2022 Carnival of Aces.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort.]

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It’s a Buffet, Not a Binary (Infographic)

An infographic based on the post Don’t Make Me Choose, where I talk about different parts of my identity & experience being pitted against each other in a false binary. Much thanks to all my PF mutuals who helped with feedback and revisions.

These images are free to repost and distribute. If you do so, I would prefer if you would also link back to this post, which includes a transcript below the cut.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort, and reposted to Twitter.]

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14 Signs of Anti-Grayness in Your Communities

Although zebras may be black and white, a lot of things in life are not — including when it comes to (a)sexuality, which is why we have words for the gray areas. Unfortunately, not everyone is on the same page about that. You probably already know what overt anti-grayness looks like, but even in communities that claim to support us, there can be a lot of more implicit ways to send a different signal. Here are fourteen signs that grayness isn’t entirely welcome in your communities.

Note in this post, I’m focusing on gray-asexuality, and I’m using grayness to talk about both gray-asexuality as an identity and grayness as an umbrella category for other identities like demi and lith. People among the latter may not necessarily answer to “gray-asexual” per se, but they can still be affected by anti-grayness as a phenomenon.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort. Preview image: Black and White Stripes by Twjst, licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.]

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Where Did the Word “Queerplatonic” Come From? (Infographic)

A QPR infographic for the word’s 11th anniversary. Early drafts were shared with Kaz and s.e. smith, and I have confirmed the accuracy of this account with them both. Much thanks to all my Pillowfort mutuals who helped with feedback and revisions.

This image is free to repost and distribute. If you do so, I would prefer if you linked back to either this post (which has a transcript) or to this genealogy of queerplatonic, which links to all the relevant sources.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort, and reposted to Twitter and Tumblr.]

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Christmas is my Valentine’s

You know how some people hate Valentine’s Day? Yeah. That’s me and Christmas.

A submission to the December 2021 Carnival of Aces.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort. Preview image from Spring Creek, Yellowstone National Park, Public Domain.]

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Why do academics keep recruiting from AVEN?

In academic research that involves surveys or interviews, you’ll notice that a lot of asexuality studies do their recruiting through AVEN. I have a theory about what makes AVEN so convenient for research, and I also have some observations about the resulting impact and why that matters, leading into a broader discussion of citational politics. So really, the question posed in the title of this post is less a primary focus and more of a jumping-off point. Recruiting from the AVEN forums is one thing, but why is it that even when researchers aren’t constrained by recruitment-based methods, they sometimes seem hesitant to closely examine or engage with other ace communities?

[Crossposted to Pillowfort. Preview image by Bailey Rae Weaver, licensed under CC BY 2.0.]

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Distilling & diluting “masculinity”

Some scattered personal reflections on masculinity as a concept, written for the October 2021 Gender Exploration Carnival.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort. Preview image by Crusty, Public Domain.]

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What makes non-physical attraction a squick?

A personal reflection post about certain forms of attraction subtype terminology and teasing out how come some of it gives me the reaction it does. Written for the October 2021 Carnival of Aces.

This is an extremely niche topic, so if you are not generally privy to these conversations, you may not get much out of this post.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort. Preview image by Tristan Chambers, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.]

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Key Conversations: Aces & Attitudes About Sex

This is a compilation of links to online conversations about aces and attitudes toward sex, demonstrating intracommunity tensions about how asexuality is defined and how best to talk about the diversity of the community. More than once have I referred back to these conversations as a basis of comparison, so I’ve decided to create this as reference post on how these conversations have unfolded before.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort. Preview image created with The Keys To It All by Alan Levine, Public Domain.]

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