What Does It Mean to Leave an Ace Community? by Sara K.
Having one consolidated ace community can be a source of unity and strength, but it can also increase fragility. Overall, I think having multiple ace communities which are capable of collaborating with each other but are mostly distinct is ultimately more resilient.
If the two-body problem describes the logistical hurdles of relocating together and pursuing academia as a couple, then the one-body problem is relocating solo and pursuing academia alone. You might assume that being single would negate the whole issue, but to the contrary, I figure the demands of academia can only make sense within the breadwinner-homemaker model. The two-body problem arises when a couple tries to operate with two breadwinners instead of one; on the flipside, if you try to operate as your sole breadwinner and homemaker both all on your own, you’re going to find yourself straining to fulfill both roles at once.
This is where my friends are; I have the kind of relationships that make me feel happy and fulfilled here. And it’s harder to explain to others the heartache of leaving them than it would be to explain leaving a romantic partner. Everyone understands and sympathizes when someone’s unhappy that they have to be apart from their romantic partner; but though it may be sad it’s expected that you’ll grow up, pursue your future, and move away from your friends, and that’s just life.
seemingly forever ago i wrote about why i’ve found myself increasingly drifting away from not only blogging about [my] asexuality, but also from general interaction with ace communities as a means of self-care. i hesitate to even bring up that particular post in relation to this month’s Carnival about “leaving” because it was never my intention to actually leave in the definitive sense of the word. rather, it was my intention (both consciously at times as well as unconsciously) to socially distance myself from ace spaces & discourse for so long as need be for me to stop feelings somekindofnegativeway.