Tiny linkspam on Tri-Label Aro Aces

In the spirit of Queenie’s teeny tiny linkspams, such as the one on greyness, here are a few links about or related to the experiences of tri-orientation aro aces — those identifying as gay/lesbian/bi/het (or some other orientation) while also identifying with both the ace & aro umbrellas.

Some of these links are about identifying with an orientation label in a way that’s not (or not entirely) about romance or sexuality. Some of these links are about nonromantic or ambiguously-romantic partnership. Some of these links are direct personal narratives about tri-label identities, such as gay aro ace or bi aro ace. So as you can see, some of the connections are more direct than others, but hopefully you can find something you’re looking for.

[Crossposted to Pillowfort.]

Bi Aces, Not Biromantic

Being Bi/Ace, Part One: Scrutiny About Attraction and the Kinsey Scale & Part Two: Aesthetic Attraction and the Visual-Aural Gender Split by Elizabeth

Opting Out Of Romantic Orientations by Vesper (note: see also some of my posts on romantic orientation)

Tri-Label Aro Aces

Bisensuality (or That Little Nuance I like to Ignore) by Lib

Squishes and unlearning heteronormativity & A Contrarian View on Platonic Attraction by Laura

Gay/Lesbian/Bi Aro Aces, a comment thread with multiple contributors

A post on being a gay aro ace by Sammy

A post on being a bi aro ace by Astral

Oriented Gray by Coyote

Oriented Aroaceness: An Essay by Lynn

Oriented AroAce Problems (a comic) by Xweetara

Even more posts and threads about gay/lesbian aro aces: “aroace lesbians can be…” (reblog chain) and is it possible to be asexual, aromantic, and gay? (forum thread).

Relationships & Partnerships

Updating the Map by Elizabeth

“I can’t want people like me in fiction” & “Captain Marvel doesn’t have a romantic subplot” by Aceadmiral

A Genealogy of Queerplatonic & Queerplatonic-Adjacent Concepts by Coyote

Yearning For “Queerplatonic” To Be Recognized As Not Romantic by luvtheheaven

Teeny tiny linkspam on asexuality and relationships by Queenie


8 responses to “Tiny linkspam on Tri-Label Aro Aces

  • luvtheheaven

    If you wanted to add in a post:
    https://luvtheheaven.wordpress.com/2019/04/01/trying-to-be-less-invisible-a-symbols-of-identity-carnival-of-aces-submission/

    Or two: https://luvtheheaven.wordpress.com/2019/04/30/yearning-for-queerplatonic-to-be-recognized-as-not-romantic-and-other-scattered-thoughts/

    of mine about being pan, aro, and ace I think they’re relevant but they are also about other things too so it’s up to you if you think they apply.

    Thanks for compiling all this!

  • Linkspam: August 16th, 2019 | The Asexual Agenda

    […] Coyote described gray experiences, wrote about issues with oriented aroace terminology, and made a linkspam on tri-label aro aces. […]

  • anonymouslesbian

    Do you know anyone who is somewhere between demi and grey, or thereabouts? I’ve identified as demisexual for a while now, but have never really felt like it was a clear fit. Am not really sure why though? Feels like my libido comes and goes in a way that seems maybe more like greysexuality, and I’ve never really had much libido even when I am going through a phase where I feel really in the mood.

    I think I get confused as well because I feel a huge amount of attraction to my partner pretty much all the time, it’s just most often the kind of attraction where I want to cuddle or make love in some sort of mildly sexual way that involves a lot of physical intimacy but isn’t exactly fucking. And the more romantically connected I feel with her the more that attraction bleeds into more typical fucking territory. Sometimes I get really really into it. But sometimes even with the rest there’s just not a whiff of anything like fucking in my brain, or I have to do mental gymnastics to get myself in the mood in that way.

    And when I hear other women talking about how much they like fucking… I can’t really identify with it. Like, the kind of visceral excitement they seem to feel when they’re doing things to their sexual partner. I love my partner’s body, I love getting her off, I couldn’t hope to be more in love with her, but my physical experience with these things feels so muted compared to what I’ve heard others describe.

    Does anything I’ve said strike you as fitting with one thing or another? Sorry if this is a bit much.

    • Coyote

      Hi. Well, let me state one thing first. This isn’t necessarily a great place to come to for sexual relationship advice — not that there aren’t parts of the ace community that are for that, but I’m just one person, and I happen to be a person who does not have a lot of insight to offer in that area. This also isn’t a post about gray-asexuality — so I’d encourage you to check out some of my gray-asexuality posts to get a better sense of my outlook on that topic.

      Since you asked, though: although it doesn’t always get talked about this way, I think of gray-asexuality as kind of a supracategory that can include or overlap with demisexuality as a subcategory. If you’re feeling like the demisexual label is too narrow or specific for you, then it’s fine to shift to using gray-asexual to describe a fuzzy gray area. It’s also equally fine to stick with demisexual, because demisexuals don’t necessarily all have the exact same experience either. There’s no essential truth behind these things; it’s just a matter of what suits to you to communicate.

      If you’re looking for more demisexual & gray-asexual narratives, some places that you might start are demisexuality.org, some of Siggy’s posts like 20 narratives of aces who like sex & Ambiguous and heading nowhere, and some other gray-a accounts like A gray kind of ace and Greyness: 301. There are lots of different ways to be gray. Those are just some examples to think about for how you want to map yourself — if at all. It’s also okay just to not use labels if they end up feeling like more trouble than they’re worth.

  • anonymouslesbian

    Thank you. Sorry that my comment was off-topic. I wasn’t sure if you would know if I commented on an older post. Was definitely not looking for relationship advice.

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