!?!?

[cw: sexual coercion]

Okay I know this was several days ago which is like years in internet time, but I keep going back to this post where anon approaches redbeardace about their boyfriend, and. I. *abstract hand motions*

I mean it’s fine to not really know where to go with that in terms of advice — I wouldn’t be 100% sure what to say either — but in their message the anon establishes:

  • when anon says no/not tonight, bf gets frustrated/continues
  • anon has started not accepting nonsexual touch as a means of avoiding sexual touch
  • above strategy has not worked as desired because when anon expresses these concerns and difficulties
  • “he maintains that sex is absolutely necessary in a relationship”

And in the context of all that laid out, the one thing the posted response addresses…

…is that there are in fact people out there in the world doing nonsexual relationships

…which would make sense if the issue at hand was “bf asked if/doesn’t believe there are people who do nonsexual relationships”

…which, to be sure, is some kind of factor in there, but to me it seems like the more salient specific matter at hand here is that anon has tried to express a sexual boundary and their boyfriend has told them they’re not allowed to have that boundary.

What is it going to take for the ace community to start criticizing romantic partners in the slightest when they express putrid sexual entitlement?

Vesper, thanks for speaking up there.

I mean, I know I said not to be too aggressive in these kinds of cases, but redbeardace, what the hell.

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