I think the ending to Alone at Sea was kind of rushed but good lord, I am weak for it anyway.
“I’m really trying to enjoy it out here, but… I can’t stop thinking about being fused as Malachite.”
These things leave indents on you. They leave marks, dents, holes, imprints of hands on your mind. It’s not as simple as–
“It’s not like that anymore. You don’t have to be with Jasper.”
“That’s not it. I… I miss her.”
This line caught me by surprise… in retrospect only because I didn’t expect them to go there. When you’re used to putting all your strength into pushing against a wall — and then it’s gone, and you find yourself falling forward with your own force, sometimes the memory of an obstacle can look like support to catch yourself by.
“We were fused for so long…”
“But — she’s terrible!”
“I’m terrible! I did horrible things!”
Steven tries to remind her that Jasper is cruel, and Lapis responds by focusing on her own flaws and concrete mistakes, her overwhelming guilt making her more susceptible to believing she’s undeserving of better. And Jasper–
“You can’t lie to me. I’ve seen what you’re capable of. I thought I was a brute, but you — you’re a monster.”
–Jasper almost manages to leverage that exact weakness against her.
“Let’s be Malachite again!”
She looks almost submissive as she beseeches her on her knees, clearly a false front, clearly only intending to use her.
“I was terrible to you…”
Lapis feels so guilty about her actions that that guilt even extends to Jasper. She’s near apologetic to her despite how Jasper repeatedly manhandled, degraded, and exploited her.
“It was bad!”
“It’ll be better this time! I’ve changed!”
Oh my god.
“I never want to feel like I felt with you. Never again.”
Neither do I.
We’re rooting for you, Lapis.