no time limit

questioning copy

Sometimes I kinda get the impression that questioning people are welcomed as long as their questioning eventually (quickly) resolves itself into a (respectable) label.  Like it’s all good and well to be questioning — but only for a short period of time, and then people will expect you to Pick Something Already, and you can’t be legitimately questioning or considering something without being sorted as “might as well be” one category or another.

This is kinda in response to that.

I’ve been thinking about these things.

5 responses to “no time limit

  • Klaaraa

    I think one of the reasons People do that might be because they want to be certain who is and isn’t sexually or romantically available to them…

  • Sennkestra

    One of the impressions I’ve had as a questioning person is that a lot of the time, people don’t view questioning people as actually “questioning” but more as like….proto-gays who just aren’t mentally ready to acknowledge their non-straightness, but will with time (or proto-trans, or proto-lesbians, or whatever).

    Basically, being questioning is viewed as a sort of short-term stepping stone on the way to becoming a full gay or whatever. And when you don’t progress as expected, then people get….suspicious? And start to wonder what’s wrong with you – on the more well intentioned side, they may start to get concerned with whether you’re secretly repressing yourself or internalizing homophobia or gatekeeping assumptions (and try to “help” you get over it); on the less charitable side they may start wondering if you are some kind of Evil Cishet Imposter.

    This is why, as that questioning person both now and in the past, spaces that are “LGBTQ only, cishets keep out!…oh, but questioning people are totally welcome :3” are deeply uncomfortable spaces – for all that many will earnestly discuss how they welcome questioning people and there’s no pressure to be LGBTQ, as a questioning person….that pressure is still there. It’s hard to ever be comfortable or honest in a space where taking a step to far towards the “wrong identity” will presumably get you kicked out – and the fact that many of these groups don’t even think about that scenario is a bit telling about what expectations they have of all questioning people. (This is also why I am so heavily invested in the existence of GSA-like organizations – as a questioning person, I absolutely needed that kind of group where both queer and ally members stand on an equal footing and where my social status in the group didn’t hang so heavily on the outcome of my own personal identity confusion).

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