Communication Dance

In lighter news, here’s another story about me and my friends.

For reasons I think you’ll understand, I don’t like to tell people that I’m learning about “bondage,” at least not without extensive preface — not because I’m worried about condemnatory reactions or anything, but because I dislike its associations, and I prioritize presenting myself as a nonsexual being of nonsexual intentions. ¬†Even when that gets in the way of communicating other things. ¬†And sometimes that works out in funny ways.

I’ve done a few ties with the Engineer when the (now Ex-)Catholic wasn’t around, and when Ex-Catholic mentioned she reads a bdsm webcomic, I figured she might be interested in the same. ¬†So a few days later, I told her that I’d bring my rope to our movie night that week.

Thursday evening, I get to Engineer’s apartment with my two ropes in a canvas grocery bag and pull them out to show Ex-Catholic, who is looking very uncertain as she turns the 30ft bundle over in her hands.

The exchange that followed, paraphrased from memory:

“Oh. ¬†So you mean like… actual rope.”

“Yeah, what did you think I meant?” (said while laughing)

“…..This, honestly,” — and I can tell she had assumed she’d guessed wrong or something, like this couldn’t possibly have been what I meant. ¬†Because, she says, for her, rope has certain… associations.

“Pretty sure that’s the case for a lot of people,” Engineer chimes in.

I can only concur and say that fact is really inconvenient for me.

The way I explain it, though, I just like to tie knots. ¬†And the way she responds, I can tell she’s thinking of just tying individual sailor knots.

That night, she was very happy about having shaved her legs for the first time.¬† Based off of that, I suggested a tie for legs. ¬†Engineer and I demonstrated what I was talking about, with Engineer’s preface that I was going to “tie her leg to her leg.”

Ex-Catholic watches us do this and goes, “Oh.¬† So this is like… actual bondage.”

Which has me smiling really hard and, “Yes, it’s like ‘actual’ bondage — just, not sexy bondage.”

Then Engineer clarifies that it does look pretty though, and *could* be sexy, if you wanted it to be.

After some awkward logistics translating my self-bondage practice onto tying someone else, I finish the tie and then undo it again.

Since Ex-Catholic seemed intrigued enough, I offered to either tie it on her or teach her how to do it on herself (with much conveying that I’m still learning and it would involve lots of getting up in her personal space).¬† Despite the warnings, she opted for me to tie it on her. ¬†So I did, all the while explaining to her the names and specifics of what I was doing and commenting on my own awkwardness every time I fumbled a step or took a moment to figure out how to continue, way more used to doing this tie on my own leg than on others’.

After completing that tie, I was left with just my 15ft bundle, which was too little rope for “the arm thing” (armbinder) that Engineer likes, so I suggested maybe doing some simple wrist or ankle cuffs. ¬†Ex-Catholic enthusiastically volunteered for those, shoving her wrists toward me.¬† So I tied them on her instead, and then she hugged Engineer’s stuffed animal while all bound up in rope, and it was the cutest I’ve ever seen her.

A short while later, she asked me to untie the cuffs, she undid the futo herself (and made a big mess), and we watched a Charlie Chaplin movie with a surprising amount of gay subtext.  Good times.


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