nothing much

Storytime: today my friendly coworker asked me what I did over the weekend.

1) These kinds of questions always throw me.  I have to stop and think for a moment to even remember what things I actually did during that timespan, and then, out of those, figure out what would make for an situationally appropriate and socially acceptable answer.  “Spent time on the computer”?   No.  “Read some ace blogs”?   No.  “Played video games”?   No.  “Battled executive dysfunction?”  No.

2) I had gotten a haircut on Saturday.  That would have worked — a discrete, recognizeable event suited to smalltalk in the workplace.  But I forgot about that.  In person, there’s always a short window of time where people expect you to come up with an easy answer, and I didn’t think of that one until that window had passed.

3) One of the things that sprang to mind, honestly, that would have fit some of the criteria for a good answer (a unique and nameable event, something you don’t do every day) was a local LGBTQ+ event I’d attended on Saturday.

a) I just got this job a couple weeks ago.  I am not out to anyone at work.  Not formally, anyway.  I’m sure at least one of them suspects something, since I kinda Look Gay, in the stereotypical sense.  But there’s been no direct acknowledgement, no explicit naming.

b) Saying that I went to this particular event would practically necessitate coming out.

c) And maybe if I were tricksy enough about it I could get away with not specifying, but then they would think I’m For Sure Gay (specifically), when that’s not how I specifically identify at all and not why I attended (my local ace group was there — it would be hard to talk about having gone without talking about them).

d) Going to this event was, actually, a significant part of my weekend.

e) But I can’t tell her that.

f) Internalized voices in the back of my head saying you shouldn’t have even gone, you shouldn’t have even gone.

g) Certain knowledge: explaining asexuality to a coworker who hasn’t heard of it would be uncomfortable.  No getting around that.  I wanted to tell her as a casual offhand thing in the spirit of how she had asked but it would just cause too much confusion and put me on the spot.

h) So I don’t tell her.  I continue to keep the bulk of my personal life a secret, even as my coworkers go on about their family troubles, private problems, and exact descriptions of their individual social media postings, down to the exact hashtags.

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13 responses to “nothing much

  • R.

    -pat pat-

    I find that a socially acceptable answer to “What did you do over the weekend?” is “Sleep,” or some variant thereof. It allows for a chuckle and is usually true.

    Hope you had a good time at the meetup.

  • Kasey Weird

    Ugh yes. I hate this game and I always wind up playing it anyway :/

  • Klaaraa

    “Battled executive dysfunction”

  • queenieofaces

    Yep, I am well-acquainted with this feel. Fortunately (?), when you play the game long enough, you start getting good at coming up with bland but sufficiently detailed answers.

  • Sciatrix

    Having gone to that event, and having talked it over with the therapist I am seeing specifically for those “you shouldn’t have gone” issues? As well as other LGB folk in the city we live in who are familiar with the event?

    You were welcome there. You were *absolutely* welcome there. Even if those godawful brain weasels say otherwise.

    • Coyote

      Heh. I almost put another bullet about how incidentally, no one was interrogated as the price of admission. No one asked me what I identified as or why I was there. It didn’t seem like anyone would have made an issue of it.

      But I ended up deleteing that part of the post before publishing it.

  • AA

    I am familiar with this too. I usually just go with “I was out with friends in the city” which is strictly true (I do consider people in the ace group my friends) but don’t go into further detail. But even when i did say I was going to be at the Sydney Mardi Gras everyone just assumed I was going down to watch instead of marching and I didn’t feel comfortable or want to spend the time trying to explain.

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