[cw: same old same old]
This post has me feeling “just @ me next time” which I did not realize was a distinct emotional state until now.
the thing is, a varying degree of sexual attraction, esp regarding lgbt people, is completely normal and not unusual!
*shrugs and nods*
its not either you’re asexual or you’re “allosexual”. it’s not that you feel sexual attraction or you don’t. it really is a spectrum and that’s completely ok!!!
local gray-ace here to cosign
it takes some people a lot of time to figure out their relationship to and their degree of sexual attraction
however, with the prevalence and rise of asexuality i’ve noticed a lot of people have been mis-characterizing their same-gender attraction as asexuality.
lbr it’s a lot easier to “come out” even to yourself as ace than it is to come out as sga… and it’s also easier to dismiss your lack of sexual attraction to the opposite gender (and esp to men for sga women bc of the intersection of misogyny and homophobia) as asexuality
Um. Well, that does happen, yes. I have a friend from high school who identified as ace prior to identifying as gay. It can be that way.
I wouldn’t go as far as saying that accepting/deciding to ID as ace is “a lot easier” — not because I’m under the mistaken impression that IDing as gay or bi is easy but because that statement sounds like it’s coming from someone who’s, I guess, unaware of the number of aces who went the other direction, who ID’d as bi or something else and had to seriously struggle with accepting their asexuality. I mean. This is an extremely common thing. I wrote a whole post about it a couple years ago. Yeah it uses the “allo” language that a lot of people aren’t keen on (it was a couple years ago). Point is, this kind of talk makes me question how much the speaker has been exposed to ace-specific experiences at all.
asexuality isn’t a catch-all term.
it’s ok to have a complicated relationship with your sexuality
and you don’t necessarily have to put a label on it!
if you think you might be sga, please try to deconstruct your internalized homophobia before automatically assuming you’re ace; it is ok to be sga!!!
Wh… what? What the… What. What the heck is this– “automatically assuming you’re ace”??? Does that– I mean. I’m going to go ahead and presume it does happen, since just because I haven’t heard of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, but for a lot of aces I’ve talked to… not all, some exceptions definitely, but seriously a lot… coming to see oneself is ace is a process that’s practically the opposite of “automatic.” You…. you know that, right? You know how common the “it took me a long, long time to figure out/accept that I was ace” thing is and how much it’s referenced by aces in the ace community, right?
I mean, this is as bizarre and unnecessary a statement to me as something like warning people not to “automatically assume they’re bisexual,” even though I’ve definitely heard of aces automatically assuming they’re bisexual before later IDing as ace. It’s a thing that happens. But that statement would be weird and uncalled for because there’s already a ton of messages out there trying to persuade people not to ID as bi.
Anyway fun fact apparently I’m the target audience of this post since I sometimes “think I might be sga” and kinda try to “deconstruct my internalized homophobia” in that I try not to block out the possibility of any attraction and have a tendency to microanalyze my peoplefeelings as aces are wont to do (seriously, look it up) but y’know, posts like these are actually the opposite of helpful and supportive for my process and I can’t actually tell if you care.