AA: Does an asexual person…

I got another Askbox message that was marked “keep it private/don’t reply” but contained a question… so I’ll just quote the question and omit the alias.

Does an asexual person watch pornography and masturbate?

The technical answer to that is that there are some who do and some who don’t.  The only thing that’s true of all asexual people is that they identify as asexual.

Since I know the context of your question, I know that it may come as a disappointment to you that you can’t use that as a determining factor in figuring out whether someone else is asexual, even though in your position I would be more interested in sussing out this person’s media ethics than their sexuality.  Thing is, the only way you’re ever going to have a real shot at knowing whether they’re actually asexual is if you talk to them about it.  I would refer again to the steps I outlined in this post.  Unless they already identify as ace and keep ace community symbols hidden around somewhere, there is no reliable covert way to sneakily “figure out” whether someone is asexual.  And if you’re really reluctant to just talk to them about it, even with the advice I gave for how to go about that, and if open communication isn’t already a staple in your marriage, then it seems that, itself, is the more serious issue to reflect on and pursue help with.


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