[cw: kink community, violence/violation]

Information on open/public munches (informal meal-centered get-togethers) is… tough to come by if you’re not on Fetlife, but I was able to find a couple of groups in my city on Meetup instead.  I’ve been waffling for a while now on whether to show up to any of them.

Just last night, I sent a text to the copilot, asking about both groups and the names of the organizers, since she was involved in the Scene in this city for a while and I thought there was a chance she might know of them and have the inside scoop.  I figured probably one out of the two might be bad news and one out of the two might be either unknown to her or just fine.

Got back a text saying:

“Both of those leader-people have been accused of consent violations.  I’d steer clear of them.”


Here’s what makes this even more creepy to me.  When you look on the About Us page of the one that declares that it’s run by an experienced “veteran,” it even has a warning to exercise caution and that “Although they are the exception rather than the rule, predators DO exist in this subculture, and some of them even lead groups like this one.”

See, this is why I have trust issues.

5 responses to “

  • doubleinvert

    Whenever I’ve been to munches (which I found through FetLife), folks always said get at least two references before ever playing with anyone. So far, the munches I’ve been to out here have seemed like safe places, to me. But, I’ve been to a few groups. I’m sure there are shady characters in any group of people.

  • Leon T.

    [CW: Sexual assault mentioned, among other things]
    I’m not certain if this fully relates, but I’ve heard/read horrifying things about the Kink & BDSM community specifically in relation to actually dealing with violations and assault.
    Often being the case that there’s a larger interest in good PR and an superficial appearance of being ‘pro-consent’ to the extend that they’re willing and ready to sweep cases of actual violation under the rug, with the violators being free to roam around, while victims are ignored, silenced, ostracized.

    That was what sprung to my mind, though you probably are already aware of a good lot of these things.

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