mulling over scene concepts

Apparently nobody is going to do the work of spitballing ideas for nonsexual non-D/s weird intimacy for me (insert sarcastic self-aware mumbling about my very niche interests not being catered to), so, here, I’m going to try and manage a little on my own.

May contain food, bondage, role play, sensation play, roughhousing, and nonhumanity ingredients.

One: collaboration puzzles.

ex. if both participants are sighted, one wears a light blindfold that is easy to remove.  The other wears a rope armbinder or is otherwise restricted (rope shears should be kept nearby ofc).  Before the scene, a table is laid out with small bowls of various snack foods (like strawberries, cashews, M&Ms, raisins, whatever) and maybe also some undesirable foods (tofu, coleslaw, etc.).  The point is for the Bound play partner (who can see but cannot use their hands) to help the Blindfolded play partner (who can use their hands but cannot see) locate and feed them both with the snacks they want.  If the Bound partner gets mischievous (like, say, claiming a bowl of sour skittles is a bowl of M&Ms), then the rule is that they have to trade places.

Alternatively, for a scene with more of a challenge, the goal could be something more complex, like building a house of cards or completing a jigsaw puzzle.

Two: if I were more big and brawny, I think it would be really fun to tie someone up and then carry them, letting them issue directions for where to go and verbally steer me like a ship.  Part of the fun in that would be in scrambling submission/vulnerability, with the vulnerable person (tied and probably small enough to be easily carried) being the one being submitted to and giving orders.  And also I just like carrying living things.  I haven’t thought this one out as much, though, since it’s not as realistic for me.

Three: a sensory play & role play scenario.

One participant takes the role of an “alien” or member of a recently-discovered sentient species.  The other takes the role of a researcher investigating this species on behalf of humanity.  Alien has volunteered to undergo an ethical examination, under certain conditions — and if Alien decides Researcher has violated those conditions, all it takes is a negative report on them to incite controversy and cut off Researcher’s funding.  Consequently, Researcher needs to be closely examining their reactions for more reason than just taking notes.  Researcher examines Alien carefully with light finger-touches first, like this is a kind of being they’ve never seen before, and then employs a variety of feathery cat toys and strange textures to test their sensitivity.

Four: the idea of “the climax is when someone safewords” made me think of my MMA class in college, where “tapping out” (basically a nonverbal safeword) happened all the time, basically as a way to convey “yeah I think you’re doing that move right.”  And I miss that stuff.  So practicing MMA wrestling — going back and forth on who does what move and who gets pinned and taps out — and then cuddling after, sounds really nice.

Also, like.  Just look at this stuff (SFW …kinda).  It’s so physically intimate.  What the heck.  I could watch this all day.  (I actually got distracted and watched like eight of these over the course of writing this.)

And yeah, you could tell me to just sign up for MMA classes again, but.  MMA groundfighting is the kind of thing that requires a lot of body contact and frequently resembles the beginning of something sexual (and can be really awkward because of that), so it’d be cool to mix that in a relationship where cuddling and close contact were actually wanted.

Five: person on a rope, at a kink party or some other event where that would be acceptable.

I think a lot of people associate bondage with control and domination, which, obviously, it’s effective for, but like with whips and riding crops, it’s just not intuitive to me as an equestrian to treat that like its only conceivable function.

Like… to try and put this into words… when I “catch” my horse with a halter and leadrope, a lot of the time, I don’t really have to “catch” her.  She sees what I have, stands there, and even helps me put it on her sometimes.  And when her halter is on and a leadrope is connected to it, she seems to understand that that means now is Follow Time.  When it’s not Follow Time she’ll wander around wherever, but during Follow Time she stays in close proximity to me, walking at my side, speeding up when I speed up, stopping when I stop, and, barring external factors, I don’t usually have to pull or hold tight to the rope.  It’s there as more of a sign to tell her what behavior is expected.  Because she’s an animal, it does have an important element of control, but I also think of it as a tool of communication — communication that now is Follow Time and we should stick together and I’ll show her where to go.

So in a consensual replication of this between people, where animal treatment doesn’t come into play, I’m interested in a use of rope (as cuffs with a lead line or strung through a collar ring) where rope conveys connection, not control, especially where slipknots are involved.  To make sense of this: imagine someone of a vulnerable demographic or with social anxiety holding the end of the rope, and someone big and strong, influential, or well-connected being led by it.  The idea is for the rope to serve as a physical manifestation of connection and a sign of security that the Bound person, who is more powerful in some way, will stay with the Holder throughout the event.  It’s not a transfer of power from one party to the other (or isn’t supposed to be), but an act to bring the less-secure party under the umbrella of power, extending that same standing through association.  So, this is somewhere in the vicinity of handholding and “If lost, return to [Name]” shirts, but with a larger radius than the former and more physicality than the latter.


9 responses to “mulling over scene concepts

  • submissiveama

    I’m not sure how welcome my comments are now due to our disagreement, but I find your concepts for scenes intriguing. The last one especially, it has a few earmarks of D/s scening. The power is in the connection via the “lead” so where one goes, the other follows. It isn’t uncommon for people to use something similar for the emotional bond it creates. Some do it for play, some for “training,” but everyone I have spoken to about this sort of power exchange feels it builds that bond between the participants.

    I am not much into food play, but I like the idea of having to work together to accomplish a goal. This could be adapted for any number of activities, as you mentioned.

    And the MMA tapping out and such is very similar to other non-sexual, contact scenes people engage in. Many require a non-verbal safe word (i.e., tapping out) so that if the bottom/sub is unable to speak, s/he can still indicate they have had enough or need a break (or even that so etching is wrong.)
    The cuddling you mentioned is similar to the imperative aftercare that occurs after an emotional or physical scene in BDSM.
    It is my opinion (and I am not trying to be judgmental or anything) that your ideas aren’t as niched as you think they are. They are variations on common themes within kink. (The best thing about kink, fetish, and BDSM is that it is so broad, there is truly something for everyone.)

    • Coyote

      I figure this was supposed to be comforting, so I thank your intent, but my flippant description of this as niche was because I tried searching for kink information off Fetlife and struggled to find anything that wasn’t sexual D/s.

      • submissiveama

        Hm. That’s odd because there is so much talk on there about how kink doesn’t equal sex. I have a number of friends on there who play without sex, so I don’t know why Fet doesn’t have information about it. :/

        • Coyote

          I’m not on Fetlife so I wouldn’t know.

        • submissiveama

          Oh ok. When you mentioned it, I thought you were. Still seems like their should be information about it somewhere.

        • Coyote

          There’s more acknowledgement in ace spaces than in kink spaces, I’d say. That’s something else I’d love to see change.

        • Sennkestra

          I mean, you can find stuff like that on fetlife, but it usually requires wading through tons of sex-centered d/s-centered content, and even then half the comments will turn it back towards sex or d/s, so it’s such a minefield that it’s not really worth it. (not to mention all the other troubling content that can pop up on fetlife…)

          So part of the problem is that even when you find other people interested in talking about non-sexual d/s, you get swarmed by other people who butt in wanting to turn the conversation back to sex and/or d/s, which is frustrating.

  • Calum P Cameron

    I have little-to-no interest whatsoever in engaging in kink shenanigans, because honestly my own sensual/intimacy desires run so painfully mainstream you could accurately describe them as “twee” (I like holding hands on long walks, late-night conversations, cuddling while watching Netflix, you get the picture). That said, I am actually really glad that someone is “spitballing ideas for nonsexual non-D/s weird intimacy” where I can safely see it because intellectually it fascinates me and the general feel of focusing on the needs of the non-mainstream people WITHIN the non-mainstream groups is one of those things I find inherently uplifting.

    So, uh, thanks.

  • code16

    Reblogged this on Sometimes pain, and very rarely unexamined and commented:
    (Been meaning to comment on this post for a bit, commenting now by reblog to also have it around here.)

    One of the things parts of this post made me think of, reading it, was a thing where when I was a kid I remember at one point wondering what adults did when they got together with their friends and such, because as a kid it was playing with toys, and I knew adults didn’t usually do that, but aside from talking I wasn’t sure what they did instead.

    And the feeling that in some sense I didn’t really ever get an answer to that question.

    Which – when I thought about it, I can in fact think of a bunch of things adults do together (outside of/in addition to talking (and its various variations – go to a coffee shop or a restaurant and talk, walk and talk, cuddle and talk, watch a movie and then talk about it…) (Which, to be clear – I do absolutely love talking to people, and this is a very awesome thing to do with people.))

    From sports to working on projects together to table-top games and such to stuff like ‘cooking together’.

    And then thinking about a kind of continuum, where the way all these things involve this some kind of external activity means they can span a range of ‘primarily want to do the activity and this person works as someone to do that with’ to ‘want to connect and have intimacy this person and are doing this through this activity’ (and the whole spectrum in between).

    (And then there’s sex and such of course. And, all the everything re that.)

    And then the feeling when I do want to do *more* with someone, do want it as connection etc, but *don’t have a thing*.

    And just – the way parts of this post go to this ‘I want to do intimacy/connection/etc with someone’, for me. And feel like they… opened, or helped open, or helped reveal, or – this maybe grasped-for-area for me, with it. And valuing that.

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