The two posts of mine that were called out were both quite recent, however, written within the same week if not the same day. Looking back, they are both less good than I would like.
I’m glad you agree.
Relationship asks that outline potentially abusive situations are hard. It’s a one-sided account, often in 500-1000 characters
This is true. Anonymous asks don’t allow much opportunity for seeking additional details on a situation — which is why I think it’s so important to consider multiple angles and possibilities in a response, as you acknowledge.
Because of that, a lot of times I will interpret these sorts of asks–or any relationship I observe–in the worst possible way.
I think considering the worst possible way these asks could be interpreted is often very important and should be part of the answer.
Chiefly I regret the ill-considered suggestion of couples therapy–my goal with that suggestion was that they might have a mediated conversation, and I forgot that finding an ace-friendly couples therapist would be difficult.
Something important to remember.
Also, I added this to the post late, but did you see this?
To the second of my answers, I have less justification. I have little experience with therapy and thus should probably avoid giving advice related to it or mental health concerns at all (in fact, I often try to). I answered that with better intentions than information, and should have done more research.
I want to unambiguously state that I agree with what Kiowa said above on the question of helping questioning aces find terms.
Well then I want to unambiguously state that I disagree with you too.
we assume they’re asking because they want an answer.
I would assume that as well.
I know there is a lot of nuance and debate behind a lot of these terms–I’ve become more acquainted with it since becoming a mod, and knowing all that makes answering these questions harder.
If I’m interpreting your statement correctly, this post should help with that.
We were all questioning aces once, and while I can’t conjecture about everyone’s experience, I can remember mine. I’d been questioning for so long and concluded I was just miswired so long ago that an open-ended statement like [“if you feel like you belong here, you belong here”] wouldn’t have helped me at all–I needed someone to lay out at least a rough definition that I could analytically compare my experiences to.
When I was questioning, I sought out a rough definition too — and then I stared at it, and stared at it, and remained unsure. Turned out, what I needed included a definition but more than that, too. I’ve written about this phenomenon here.
It’s been an introspective few days for me since seeing this post. I’m trying to take it in the best way possible, to interpret its suggestions as if they were made with the best intent.
I appreciate that.