advice and advice-advice

Siggy recently posted a link to an article that ended with this:

most cis people don’t spend a whole lot of time worrying about whether or not they’re trans.

And I think that’s somewhat fair to apply to asexuality, too.  If you’re spending a lot of time thinking about whether you’re asexual, then it’s okay to take that as an indication unto itself.

This would be a decent thing to put in responses to the “am I asexual?” question that ace advice blogs so often get.

When a questioning person comes to you and asks “am I asexual?” it’s okay to — and maybe even better to — look beyond the question.  Instead of trying to provide them with criteria to assess themselves by, or worse, giving an outright yes/no answer, you can ask yourself:

Why are they asking me this?  Is this someone who has been thinking about identifying as asexual and is on the fence about it?  Have they given their reasons for being on the fence about it?  Do they think I’m the Psychic Expert On Who is What?  Do they know I’m not and will never be a psychic expert?  Could they be someone who already identifies as asexual and is testing the waters to see if they’ll be welcome in the community?

I think pondering these questions can help lead you to a more helpful and more responsible answer.

I’m also led to wonder if it might actually be more validating (and time-efficient!) to just have a declare-yourself-ace blog where someone can anonymously send in a no-commitment declaration of “I’m asexual,” and the mods will respond to each and every one with “Yes.  You are.”

But I suppose we wouldn’t want to have an ace-themed blog where all the ask/answer interactions are simplistic and repetitive, now would we.

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