As a sort of addendum to and bit clarification for my previous post… here’s a simple (non-exhaustive) list of abuse tactics and some of the names you can use for them. I’m not Prepared to make a full-blown post with in-depth explanations arguing the relevance of all these terms to conversations about anti-ace sentiment, but I can at least throw out a few keywords here.
guilt-tripping — this is a pretty well-known one. What makes this different from a in-good-faith callout or criticism is that the purpose isn’t just to change your behavior, but specifically to instill a sense of guilt and make you feel trapped.
victim-blaming — another one I expect should be familiar to a lot of my readers. The abuser will try to convince you that they only abuse you because you did something to deserve it.
gaslighting — very classic term, makes a good search keyword for finding resources. Involves psychologically undermining you and making you question whether you really feel what you think you’re feeling or if what you think is happening is really happening. Instills a lot of self-doubt.
invalidation — a cousin to gaslighting.
humiliation/degradation — outright mockery and violation that casts you, your emotions, or your behavior as ridiculous or that makes you feel awful about yourself. Instills a heavy sense of shame.
denial, minimization, & justification — different words for slightly different shades of the same idea. Abusers will downplay the relevance of the hurt you feel, feign innocence and/or righteousness, weave a web of excuses, and make their actions sound fair and reasonable.
intimidation — making you feel unsafe, even if that “just” means psychologically unsafe. Does not require a physical component.
violation of social boundaries — ex. defying a request such as “Please don’t bring up X around my parents.” Can tie into humiliation or intimidation.
isolation — making you feel alone, cutting you off from potential sources of validation and support, and making you believe that everyone is against you.