Abusers will never give you the answers or the validation you crave. They will never express the remorse you long for them to feel.

Just… something that resonated with me recently.

I wish the ace community talked about abuse more.  And not just in the form of personal narratives, although that’s important too.  I just mean… talking about it more.  Using it as a lens, and its terminology, more.


7 responses to “

  • saraharnetty

    So, when you say ‘talk about abuse more’, do you mean stats? Or just a more general acknowledgement that it happens so it gives more people the courage to open up?

    • Coyote

      I mean talking about how it works and using abuse tactic terminology to describe anti-ace behavior.

    • Arrela

      I mean also giving people the tools to recognize if they are being abused or if their behaviour towards someone is abusive and what they can do if they realize they are in either of those situations, making the similarities, links and (important!) differences between interpersonal and societal power structures and behaviours explicit, shifting the conversation on abuse from “this is a tragic thing that happens to some poor people, we should help those people, here are some numbers” to “human relationships are sometimes unhelathy, sometimes in ways that are abusive, this is an example of what that may look like, here are some things we should talk about in our communities regarding this” ET CETERA. I understand why statistics is important and helpful, but it is only the very first starting point, and it often becomes an, idk, card to play when participating in oppressoin olympics. That is kind of the opposite of helpful to people who have been or are being abused. I also don’t think getting people to open up more should be a goal – openness does not really fix anything on its own, especially not when it can easily be turned into some sort of political arguments by other people. Demanding sob stories of people can often be borderline abusive in its own right. The goal should rather be to create a conversation about what healthy relationships look like, what it means in practice to respect other individuals, how societal power structures play into interpersonal relationships (but also how sometimes abusers can take advantage of their status as marginalised in order to abuse others) and so on and so forth.

  • a plain list of emotional abuse tactics | The Ace Theist

    […] a sort of addendum to and bit clarification for my previous post… here’s a simple (non-exhaustive) list of abuse tactics and some of the names you can […]

  • Euryale

    I just want to point out that the owner of the blog you linked to has hosted some really gross content apologizing trans-exterminationist ideology. I called them out on it on anon last night and they made excuses. I’m so sick of survivor spaces being inaccessible to trans women who, as a group, suffer extraordinary levels of sexual violence.

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