Trouble with the Trichotomy: sex indifference, repulsion, & elsewise

A linkspam on discomfort with, uncertainty about, objections to, and otherwise contesting various uses, applications, and interpretations of the current model of sex-adjectives (i.e. sex-indifferent, sex-averse, sex-repulsed, and sometimes, sex-favorable), featuring: aces who aren’t sure how to label themselves, aces with murky/inconsistent/imprecise experiences, aces who don’t like the way they’re being labeled by others, and aces who don’t like the way others are interpreting the labels they identify with.

Why Are Sex-Indifferent Aces Assumed to Be Open to Sex? by Sara, Jul 11, 2014

I sometimes encounter the implication, both inside and outside of ace communities, that sex-indifferent aces are okay with having sex, being in sexual relationships, or that of course the sex-indifferent aces are having sex… Why? […] I think the assumption that sex-indifferent aces are open to sex/having sex/etc. is an expression of compulsory sexuality.

Aversion, Repulsion, Indifference and ‘It’s Complicated’ by Mara, originally posted Jul 30, 2014

If someone asked, I’d say I was sex-averse. But with everything else in this world, we’re all different. And so I don’t quite fit in that box.

The False Dichotomy of Repulsion vs. Indifference by Elizabeth, Jul 31, 2014

It’s inaccurate to say I’m indifferent, and it’s also inaccurate to say I’m repulsed. I can’t categorize myself on a scale between Averse-Neutral-Favorable, because I range at different points on that scale at different times, depending on my mood.

Why Sex-Favorable/Sex-Indifferent Are Not Useful Identities For Me by Captain Heartless, Aug 18, 2014

So basically when people try to describe someone generally as “sex-favorable”, or “wants sex”, or something like that, I want to stop and say “wait elaborate on the context”. Because saying someone generally “wants sex” just doesn’t make sense. And far too often I feel like people say that, and then act as if these hypothetical aces just have no boundaries and are okay with everything.

I am Not Sex-Favorable: Identifying as a Sex-Indifferent Asexual, and What That Actually Means by Sennkestra, Aug 18, 2014

See, it’s not about “liking sex” vs. “not liking sex”. A lot of people I think hear “oh, you aren’t averse to sex? that means you like it which means you want it!” But that’s not really how it works.

“What do you find problematic about the term ‘sex-favorable’?” asked by Sennkestra and answered by Cor, Aug 18, 2014

It’s binary, it’s “you either love sex or you hate it, all the time, forever, no context… ”A blanket “no” with a rare exception of “yes”, should not be mirrored by a blanket “yes” with a rare exception of “no.”  Not about sex.

Repulsed, Conflicted…Picky by Cor, May 21, 2015

Sex. Repulsed, averse, conflicted, ARC or arcflux, indifferent, ”’favorable”’… maybe my descriptor is “picky.”

Labels, Labels, Labels by Mara, May 30, 2015

The main problem I have with favourable/indifferent/averse or repulsed is that I can’t put myself in just one of those categories for every situation. For some things, I’m severely repulsed; for others, I’m just a bit averse to the idea; on occasion I might even be described as ‘favourable’.

Sex-Averse or Sex-Indifferent? by Pegasus, Jul 11, 2015

Yet I’ve never been able to boil all my emotions about sex down into a single label or sentence.  I feel differently about different kinds of sex, ranging from being completely averse to finding a sexual act mildly unpleasant or boring – and I’ve never worked out where to draw the line between being averse and indifferent.

sex-[adjective] by Cor, Jul 28, 2015

i mean, sex-conflicted is pretty there, but it could be more emotive.

Living as a Sex-Favourable Asexual by Talia, Sept 29, 2015

Two concerns come to light for me. One, how do I deal? How do I navigate my own experiences of revulsion, lack of attraction, muddled up by a sex drive that comes and goes? How do I find the right partner that doesn’t mind this going backward and forward and respects this is who I am and doesn’t make me feel bad about it?

sex indifference & aversion: not a matter of one or the other but both? by queerascat, Oct 6, 2015

i think that at least part of my issue(s) with the whole “sex indifferent” vs “sex averse” thing is that for me it’s not a clear-cut one or the other; it’s a mix of the two.

[see also these two posts within the same conversation: thingsfordragonag’s comment on averse & repulsed being used interchangeably and queerical’s thoughts on labels and “sexual availability” ]

on being arcflux by Coyote (that’s me!), Oct 9, 2015

For me, terms like “sex aversion” are personally relevant, but I don’t ID as “sex-averse, period” (or any other label in common usage) because, for me, being sex-repulsed, sex-indifferent, and sex-favorable feel like contextual moods or reactions rather than a fixed, consistent identity.

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