I’ve been wanting to make a big quoiromanticism infographic (with actual details on the coinage), but I don’t know if I’m up to that yet… so I’m just going to draft and post the text here and maybe come back to it later, w/ blanket permission for anyone else to use it.
- Quoiromantic was first coined by a trans ace named Cor (aka tumblr user ephochryphal) in December of 2012
- Cor is French-Canadian by heritage, and the “quoi” in “quoiromantic” comes from the French word for “what”
- the term originated as one of several proposed synonyms for Sciatrix’s wtfromantic
- “if i were to give a definition i’d say quoiromantic means ‘applying romantic orientation doesn’t make sense here’ but again adapt it as makes sense (haha) to you!”
- The history of “quoiromantic” is inextricably tied to the cultural context of the ace community.
- The model of “romantic orientation,” similar to the concept of “affectional orientation,” was developed by aces as a romantic, nonsexual parallel to sexual orientation. Aces began using this concept to label themselves biromantic, aromantic, and so on, as a way of further describing their experiences.
- As the model gained ground, people began making generalizations like “everyone has a romantic orientation and a sexual orientation,” putting pressure on fellow aces to pick a romantic orientation to identify with.
- However, the concept is more useful for some people than for others, and not everyone can sort their feelings into a clear-cut label. This led to Sciatrix jokingly describing herself as “wtfromantic.”
- Others began using “wtfromantic” as a personal identity label. It hit on a sentiment that some people could relate to.
- For the sake of pronunciation and propriety, Cor suggested quoiromantic as an alternative, and from there the idea has spread.
- Along the same lines, quoisexual and quoigender have also been suggested as sexual and gender equivalents, respectively.
The first quoi flag, similar in style to the asexual flag, was created by Eris (tumblr user chaotic-evil-gender). The black stripe represents asexuality/aromanticism, the green represents harmony, the blue represents emotion, and the grey represents confusion and fuzziness.
Another, less traditional, quoi flag of the “wrong shape” was created by Cor, with colors and design elements to represent confusion, imperfection, and uncertainty.
Sometimes, the definition of quoiromantic is simplified down to “inability to tell the difference between romantic and platonic attraction.” Cor, the coiner, has spoken out against this redefinition several times, on the basis that it undermines the point of the word and the concept.
That’s kind of, presuming, that everyone (who isn’t simply “a-”) experiences the attractions in question? Or ‘probably’ does and just…can’t tell? (Allo-as-default much?)
Plus, what I meant was more like… actively disidentifying with [romance, romantic attraction, romantic orientation] as sensible/applicable categories for you
Although someone who describes themselves as “unable to tell the difference” between attraction types wouldn’t be wrong to identify as quoiromantic, the reasons people have for identifying as quoiro are more diverse and complicated than that, and using the inability definition misrepresents and eclipses that fact.
Related reading: Alloromantics vs. aromantics: the great divide, Teeny tiny linkspam on greyness, #quoi bloggin, Romantic Orientation: N/A, My “wtfromantic” identity label has become very significant to me, Rethinking Romantic Orientation and Attraction Types As “Required” Identifiers, Words for those who struggle with the concept of romantic attraction.