earlier today

(another post about school required reading.  Apparently I’m making a new post every time I think of one of these. cw for dubious consent/sexual violence maybe)

Was somehow reminded today of the existence of The Grapes of Wrath and the gross preacher character who’s supposed to be all enlightened or whatever for leaving the Church.  Mostly, though, I just remembered how I felt while reading his confession that every time he baptized a woman he would have sex with her right after.  And he felt bad about it (he says) but then he’d do it again.  Every time.

And we’re supposed to believe that he just so happened to always baptize people who would consent to that?

And we’re supposed to believe that what he describes doesn’t sound sexually predatory?

Apparently.  But his use of the “couldn’t help myself” notion would unsettle me regardless.

So I went looking on the internet for someone, anyone, criticizing him as a sexual predator or at least kinda creepy or something to validate what I half-remembered.

Instead found a bunch of people calling him a Christ figure.

That’s about when I started feeling physically ill.

Also found this gem of his: “There ain’t no sin and there ain’t no virtue. There’s just stuff people do. It’s all part of the same thing.”dril zero difference

I hate this book! I hate this philosophy! I hate it I hate it!

Anyway I submerged myself in bessibel’s #to make me smile tag until I stopped feeling like I was gonna die so there’s your happy ending I guess.

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2 responses to “earlier today

  • GreenHat

    Hi, lurker here. this might sound outta the blue or weird, probably because it is (though it’s actually more of a response to several of your posts on triggering things and trauma), buuut, *deep breath because I am shyyyy and I don’t know if you’d care for this kinda stuff or what or argh* regarding help for triggers, something I discovered that is super, super helpful for me at least is something called trauma releasing exercises (TRE). The basic idea there is to deliberately activate the body’s natural tremor mechanism, and quite literally let the body shake stress and longterm, deep down trauma out of one’s muscles and all that painfully energetic fight/flight/freeze nervous system stuff.

    I’ve been practicing this for five months now, and I’ve found that when I’m triggered by something (and I should point out that I don’t experience panic attacks. My issues are things like depression and some form of anxious, angry, painful, and confused thoughts that won’t just SHUDDUP and leave me aloooone), I, well, once I realize, “Ohhh, yeah, trigger, yes, you.”, from there it’s pretty much an opportunity to sit down, tremor away, and finally let the brain-bodily source of the problem shake itself out, and more often than not I feel much better afterward (sometimes just tired and still depressed, neh), and I’m slowly noticing longer term benefits as time goes by (my mind seems more freely able to attend to more GOOD things now, for one thing). For the first few weeks or so doing tremors got pretty intense or distressing sometimes (there was, and still is, violent stuff from years ago being tremored off), but gaaaaah I’m not stuck in a trauma trap anymore, or rather an important PART of my trauma trap is being dismantled day by day. So, yeah. Here be link for more info if interest be piqued: http://traumaprevention.com/

    Woo, and now I’m gonna scurry away to my lurky nook, and blissfully tremor off all the anxious energy that’s now running amuck in me because I actually posted this comment and shy and it’s probably weird and eeagh!

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