AA: Attraction and Fantasy

I should really check my messages more often.  Sorry about that, y’all.

Someone sent me a question via the Askbox a few days ago but marked the message as “keep it private,” which seems like it may have been a mistake, so I’m going to try and provide some information on the subject they inquired about without quoting their message directly.

First off: personally, I do not categorize the acts of thinking about sex, dreaming about it, fantasizing about it, etc. as necessarily requiring sexual attraction.  If you see the two as linked for yourself, that’s completely valid; there are also aces, though, who make a distinction between them.  It’s all pretty subjective and whatever makes sense to you.  Having sex dreams definitely doesn’t mean you can’t be ace.

Onto the meat of the issue, though: imagining sexual situations in which you yourself are not a participant is not unheard of, to say the least.  Sexuality researcher Anthony Bogaert coined the term “autochorissexualism” to refer to that very thing.  He defines it as a paraphilia of sorts and applied it to asexual women who fantasize about sexual situations not involving themselves.  If you’d like to read the article, a kind internet denizen has made it available here.  The ace community has picked up this term and circulated it — sometimes in the adjective form, autochorrisexual — which may be what has given rise to the usage/categorization of it as a sexual orientation (rather than a paraphilia) and reconfiguration of “autochorissexuality” as an alternative noun form.

If you relate to what autochorrissexualism describes, you don’t have to label yourself that way, but it’s a word you can use as a search term to find many other people who relate to the same experience.

I’d also like to add — if you’re exploring the subject of asexuality and relate to some of what you’ve found, you don’t need to look for some technicality that might disqualify you from the space.  If it’s useful to you, it’s useful to you, and that’s that.  Good luck on your travels.

And that’s about all I know about that, I’m afraid.

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2 responses to “AA: Attraction and Fantasy

  • Calum P Cameron

    Dunno if it’s relevant, but I’ve had dreams in which my in-dream self has consented to sexual situations with people of two different genders (with mixed results in terms of how creeped out or not said dreams made me) but wouldn’t personally describe myself as having sexual attraction to either of those genders (I think I’ve had small, weak sexual attraction to one of them on occasion before, but not for a long time).

    Then again, I’ve done lots of odd things in dreams that don’t gel well with my personality. I’ve legitimately had my in-dream self commit murder (or other acts of violence) in one or two nightmares, whereas I have about as much stomach for real-world violence as I do for raw sewage (which isn’t much). Could be I’m just an odd case.

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