[cw for mention of suicidal thinking (not mine don’t worry)]
Nothing like sitting on your living room floor having a panic attack at one in the morning all feeling nauseous and hyperventilating while your roommates bicker about the color of the walls and make dark jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood for you and find a bag for you to breathe into all because you were reading a fictional story with a non-graphic allusion to the fact that a couple of secondary characters had off-screen sex.
This is weird even for me. I mean, it’s never gotten this bad before. This is as confusing as it is upsetting because it doesn’t make any sense. I’ve read more graphic things than that and been fine, for Pete’s sake.
(it may have had something to do with the fact that one of the characters in question was just having a suicidal episode and literally the next we see him he’s happy in bed with his new lover, so that was jarring, but I’ve had this anxious reaction in milder forms to references to fictional sex before even in ordinary circumstances — just never this bad until now)
This is ridiculous. Why am I like this?
Anyway I was kind of calmed down by the time I started writing this post (+ maybe the pepto bismol is helping with the killer nausea) and I think I’m going to bed now because being unconscious sounds really appealing about now. Not sure if I’ll be able to fall asleep though.
Did I mention that this is ridiculous?