[cw for self-loathing or something]

>makes an asexuality blog

>a year and a half later is still struggling not to admit to itself that hearing about other people having consensual sex triggers slow-burn anxiety and nausea out of nowhere

stop it stop it stop it the Good Sex-Repulsed Aces are the ones who say “I’m just repulsed by the thought of sex involving myself, but as long as it doesn’t involve me personally it’s fine!” so why you gotta be like this?

11 responses to “8)

  • Zhanna

    You aren’t alone in that!

  • theanonymousasexual

    This definitely happens to me too. And then I try to stay silent because I might make other people uncomfortable, or worse. And then of course I would be terrible for having feelings.

  • cinderace

    One of my hardest posts to publish was the one where I admitted that I dislike being exposed to any mention of sex of any kind. It’s not cool, it’s not progressive, etc… But it’s true.

  • luvtheheaven

    Thanks for being brave enough to share these feelings. I completely understand how these sentiments would feel unwelcome or even “immoral” in some sense to have, given a lot of the way we phrase things around sex-repulsion in this community. We need posts like this as reminders and as an impetus to consider changing how we talk and think about these issues.

  • maralaurey

    I’m the same. I figure that Good Sex-Repulsed Aces are just aces who don’t try to stop and/or shame others about sex — I don’t think we should have to deny our sex-repulsion to be good sex-repulsed aces (because, while I’m sure there are people who are very specifically only repulsed by the idea of themselves having sex, I think it’s likely that the majority of us dislike sex unrelated to us in some way or other, too).

  • Sciatrix

    No good things to add here, but hugs if you want ’em.

  • Sciatrix

    Bah, that was opaque, I’m sorry. I don’t think there’s anyone whose opinions about sex are above reproach or capable of making everyone comfortable or that there SHOULD BE such a thing as a “good sex repulsed ace” even though that is totally a thing I feel in the social fabric of, of the kinds of expectations that are externalized and internalized in the community. And I’m sorry you’re feeling rough about your own feelings.

  • queenieofaces

    I think that experience is…probably more common than is talked about, given the massive stigma associated with “it’s only a problem when it involves me” sex-aversion, let alone “I just had a panic attack because some anon wanted me to validate their sex life” sex-aversion. And by “probably more common than is talked about,” I mean “definitely more common than is talked about because one good thing about having a very popular piece about sex-aversion is that a lot of people flock to you to talk about sex-aversion.”

  • lengray

    Because you’re you.

    There’s no point in putting a label of ‘good’ on something, particularly if you don’t feel that way(since the assumption would be that you feel like a ‘bad’ sex-repulsed ace). It’s a feeling you have and therefore it’s valid to feel that way–no judgment necessary. :)

    To be honest, I feel highly uncomfortable when people discuss their sex lives too, though not to the degree that you mention.

  • Aqua

    I’ve dealt with that feeling a lot since I found the asexual community, and I still sometimes still do feel that way. I feel like a lot of the rhetoric around sex-repulsion is alienating, and makes it seem like it’s wrong to have any negative feelings towards sex, under the assumption that it must be an attack on others, and must mean being an elitist.

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