Patronizing Reminders and Peacemaker Gaslighting

Alternatively titled: “Mommy, where do asexuals come from?”

One of the most bizarre non-ace behaviors I’ve encountered so far is the sexual equivalent of mansplaining, which happens when some pontificating tenderfoot becomes aware of ace people and for some godforsaken reason decides to try and explain to us, unsolicited, the perspective of a non-ace person, as if we haven’t been surrounded by you people from day one.

Look at this mess.

Not only is the original post rude, presumptuous, and ignorant of context (see: allo Solas fans’ repeated refusals to make sexual content in the Solas tag more avoidable, derailing ace Solas posts with sexual comments, attacking people for ace Solas headcanons, the number of people angry about the mere existence of chastemance options, one of whom I met in person, the general anti-celibacy attitude of the fandom, etc.), BUT IT ALSO just… raises a lot of questions.

Such as: Where do you think ace-spectrum people come from?

Do you think we were transported here from another planet, for instance?  Or grew in underground pods and bloomed from the earth once we came of age?

How exactly does it come to pass that aces arrive on the internet 100% unaware of the rest of human culture outside of our recently-formed community and lacking all knowledge of the fact non-aces care about more than sex or that many people see sex as important and beautiful and “a wonderful way to express this spiritual connection that two people share” …?

Do you think ace people have isolated ourselves in self-sufficient communes for the past several centuries and are just now making contact with the outside world?

Do you think you’re the first person to tell us these things?

And, yes, just to get this out of the way: there is nothing wrong with imagining Solas had sex with Lavellan.  Duh.

I’m not aware of anyone arguing to the contrary, though, which makes this come across as a case of the Shame Clause.

Fans who interpret the Solas-Lavellan relationship as sexual (or wish it was depicted as more sexual) are not a minority and are not the ones who need protecting.

And you know what?  Given this whole situation, chiming in with “remember, sex is important to non-asexuals and there’s nothing wrong with not interpreting Solas as ace!” just comes off as gaslighting.

4 responses to “Patronizing Reminders and Peacemaker Gaslighting

  • Calum P Cameron

    Mmm. Willful ignorance boiled to perfection in the doctrine of persecuted hegemony.

    I also find that original post incredibly creepy with the whole false dichotomy thing. It seems to imply that the only two options are “celibate aromantic asexual” and “sexually active, sex-loving alloromantic allosexual”.

    The possibility of Solas “finding Laven a beautiful person” and “loving her spirit” but them choosing to “express that spiritual connection” through something OTHER than sex is never acknowledged; nor is the possibility of a non-asexual for whom sex is not “so important”/”beautiful” (or an asexual for whom having sex is “beautiful and natural”); nor is the possibility of a non-asexual couple finding sex to be a less-than-wonderful way of expressing their shared connection (not to mention the worrisome conflation of “having a physical encounter” with “fucking”).

    The main message I’m getting is that this person thinks that if you’re romantically or sexually attracted to someone, sex is either inevitable or mandatory. Which, uh, well, there’s a type of oilseed I could name here.

  • No, no, no, no | The Ace Theist

    […] it and need to be more considerate of others’ feelings — is something I responded to in a recent post.  The short version?  Non-ace people are the ones who need to extend more empathy, not […]

  • Asexuality as Stasis | The Ace Theist

    […] Alternatively titled: “Where do asexuals come from?” Part 2. […]

This comment section does not require an account.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: