On Sex-Repulsion and Analogies

One thing I’ve noticed, among other things, is that analogies for not wanting sex are usually geared toward a sex-indifferent perspective that’s simply an absence of desire, no strong feelings involved either way.  Just “not feeling a particular need” for something, usually some kind of desert food.  That can describe some people’s experiences, certainly, but those kinds of analogies don’t carry over well for explaining what it feels like to be sex-repulsed.

cw: body horror

Sometimes I think about how it’s like if you were born into a society where people were really into making physical contact with other people’s eyeballs, especially using their own eyeballs, but also sometimes using fingers or tongues.  Not just eyelids or the eye area, mind you — the actual, wet, sensitive surface of the eyeball.

This is considered the most desirable form of interaction that you can have with another human being, the pinnacle of love, pleasure, and intimacy, but also something people love to do just for fun, and something that any healthy adult would always want more of.  Everything from advertising to professional psychiatry to the majority of book/movie/TV plots presumes this.  And you grow up knowing that there are people who want to touch your eyes in one way or another, and that one day, you’ll be expected to let them.  Maybe for the person you’re romancing, or maybe at your friends’ urging you to “loosen up”, or maybe because your psych is trying to help you overcome your pathological reluctance.  They all want you to let your eyes be touched by someone else’s eyes — not for a split second and then it’s over, but as part of a prolonged rubbing ritual that should go on for at least several minutes until both of  you experience a serious muscle spasm.  You’re supposed to love this.

And to you, it’s like… but it’s my eyes.  That’s creepy and gross and would be overwhelming in the worst possible way.  You feel sick thinking about it.

And no one, no one, no one understands.


16 responses to “On Sex-Repulsion and Analogies

  • onlyfragments

    “prolonged rubbing ritual”

    That’s the grossest, most accurate description of sex I’ve ever heard.

  • luvtheheaven

    This is so perfect, it’s kind of scary. :P

  • saraharnetty

    Great analogy.

  • lovebakingjourney

    Reblogged this on A journey of baking and love and commented:
    Probably one of the best analogy to describe my feeling when it comes to sex with MY body.

  • yukiblogsaboutshit

    Hmmm are you saying the eyes here are the genitals of a human being? Interesting.
    Why do you feel ashamed of the naked body, try looking at it for a longer period of time, it will just look normal.

    I saw this documentary of an isolated tribe. They are completely naked even the male and female, children, they don’t care, because they never thought that there’s a need to cover their private parts. That a penis is just a penis and a vagina is just a vagina.

    • Spade

      “Hmmm are you saying the eyes here are the genitals of a human being?”

      I’m making an analogy between them, yes.

      “Why do you feel ashamed of the naked body”

      Hold up, did you just put together “in this analogy, eyes stand for genitals” and then conclude “you must feel ashamed of your genitals”? Do you think I’m ashamed of my eyes?

      And why the heck are you coming on a post specifically about sex-repulsion in order to tell me to try liking genitals more? I’ll hate genitals and sex as much as I please, thank you very much. Why would I be ashamed of that?

      “I saw this documentary of an isolated tribe.”

      You know, being vague and unspecific is not a great way to cultivate credibility. Lucky for you, it doesn’t matter, because regardless of where you saw it or who it is, other people not minding genitals is not going to change how I feel about them.

      Why are you invested in this?

      • yukiblogsaboutshit

        I’m not telling you to like genitals, I’m just trying to tell you that try accepting it. Maybe you’re not repulse by your own genitals but by seeing other’s genitals. I really did see that documentary, I would like to send some link but I guess you wouldn’t watch it. Hmmm because I know the feeling. Why would I read this if I’m not somewhat repulse by sex. I really think this is a good analogy.

        Please stop quoting me, it’s really funny, it’s like I’m in a school debate or some shit like that. Haha

        • Spade

          No quoting, then, because you asked me not to.


          In other words, you’re not telling me to like genitals, you’re just telling me to try to like them.

          Literally why are you coming in here to theorize about what my specific feelings are and how to change them? It sounds like you’re the one who needs to work on acceptance.

  • yukiblogsaboutshit

    Try to like them? Haha, no, I’m not saying try to like them. Accepting is different from liking something. Liking something is a want, something you can control, something you would want to see all the time because you like it.
    Accepting something you cannot change, that is what I mean. That wether you like it or not it’s still there.

    Maybe I’ve accepted some things about me, but still I need time to accept more. I’m not theorizing about your feelings because I don’t really know your feelings. I’m just relating to what you’ve posted based on my experience. Your feelings you’re the only one who can understand that, and I am in no place to say I know what you feel. I just said I know the feeling, not what you feel.

    Why is there a rule not to comment and come to read some blogs and share what I think? Hmmm, you can block me if you like, I don’t mind.

  • Rachel Jackson

    Oh my goodness, thank you for this. I’ve struggled to put my repulsion into words, but this so perfect.

  • Captain Heartless

    Ha, that’s a good one. The two repulsed analogies I tend to use are either “licking inside other people’s noses” or “stuffing a dozen dirty socks inside your mouth”, in case you feel the need for variety (although both of those are more mild, I think).

  • madcap86

    I’ve never really known if I should classify myself as sex-repulsed or not. I certainly do not like looking at other’s genitals (more male than female, granted) and the very idea of a penis bothers me. The idea of heterosexual sex grosses me out, and always has, on a biological level. I can almost (almost) wrap my brain into the idea of homosexual sex (with another woman, in my case) but even that is a stretch, and it’s not something I would seek out.

    But at the same time, I’m fine with contact that leaves clothes on. I’m a big cuddler. I will cuddle forever. But anything else is pretty much no. So…yeah…

    • Spade

      People have a variety of preferences and definitions, as with anything, but I for one do not see liking to cuddle as any kind of interference with or contradiction to identifying as sex-repulsed. After all, clothes-on cuddling doesn’t have to be thought of as sexual. But still, even if you were to think of cuddling as a sexual activity, it’s also reasonable to be more repulsed by some types of sexual activity than others, and consider yourself sex-repulsed on the basis of that even if you aren’t equally repulsed by everything across the board.

  • queenieofaces

    Oh my gosh, I have actually compared sex to having my eyeballs licked before. That’s my go-to explanation of sex-repulsion, mostly because when I say that to people, they tend to have a really visceral “ew, gross, that’s super unhygienic” reaction at which point I stare at them meaningfully until they become uncomfortable.

  • kaleighaw17

    This is just the best. I’m going to share this with anyone who ever says they can’t understand how I feel about sex. Thank you!

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