AA: a message and some questions

I like your blog. You are incredibly thoughtful, although I am rather weary of ideologue, its still refreshing to see digest some of your ideas and read some of your posts. Being that I was raised devout, denominational Christian, I enjoy reading your views on the overlap of sexuality and Christianity. I am a hesitant christian-leaning individual at the moment (if that makes any sense), but I am also a hetero secret crossdresser. I haven’t read all your posts, so I apologize if you have already answered this, but what religion (in the conventional sense haha) were you raised in, if you were at all? and what, in your best answer, would you say has made you asexual? If you feel uncomfortable answering, then I would love to hear your answer all the more. Hope all is well.

First of all — thank you! (:  It’s nice of you to say that.  I’ll try to respond to all the subjects addressed here in the order they were brought up.

On crossdressing:

  • Keeping this pastime a secret can be a good idea, since you don’t know how most people will react to it, but it shouldn’t have to be that way, and I wish we lived in a world where people could be safe to express themselves as they please in this regard.
  • Clothes do not have a gender.  We’re socialized otherwise, and that has a big impact, but the fact of the matter is that a dress is only “women’s clothing” if the person who owns the dress is a woman.
  • However, because there’s a lot of cultural reinforcement to the associations between clothing and gender, it would make sense to wear the clothing associated with [insert gender here] if you want to dress up like [gender] or want to better enable yourself and others to see you as [gender].
  • It’s possible for your actual gender to be different than the one that others have assigned to you.  If dressing up as [gender] makes you feel good specifically because you want to think of yourself as and be perceived as [gender] instead of the one assigned to you at birth, then I’d recommend looking more into trans resources and thinking about whether there are names or pronouns more comfortable than the ones you currently go by, and I’m sure there are several of my regular readers who would be willing to offer links, support, and advice.
  • Also keep in mind that you don’t have to be just 100% man or 100% woman.  There are also non-binary gender identities that you might associate with more, like agender, bigender, genderfluid, etc.

On what religion I was raised in:

My mother was raised Catholic, my father was raised loosely Methodist, and I was baptized by Episcopalians.  My mother has pretty consistently attended Episcopalian churches since then, and I even went to an Episcopalian private school for a few years, but I’m not sure how much connection I feel to the denomination itself.  It’s a little lukewarm, sometimes.  But it’s also one of the few Christian denominations that has some of the least crappy track record with regard to gay people, so there’s that, at least.  In a general, abstract sense, I feel like I fit in well enough with any other mainline Protestants (which is to say, I don’t care about converting people to the Episcopal church specifically), and I don’t mind attending services hosted by churches of other denominations — but it does weird me out a bit how Methodists throw in the Passing of the Peace so early in the service.  That always catches me off guard.  At an Episcopal church service, the Peace comes way later, after the sermon.  Also, apparently some churches don’t have communion every Sunday, which I’m accustomed to thinking of as a weekly thing.  But I digress.

On asexuality:

I presume that what made me ace is the same thing that makes anyone else gay or straight or bi or what have you, and as of writing this, I don’t think the underlying cause for sexual orientation has been discovered.  That’s not unusual, though.  A lot of questions like that in neuroscience still haven’t been answered, and there will always be unanswered questions in some branch of human knowledge or another, unless humanity suddenly achieves omniscience.

Point being, I’m okay with not knowing some things.  I do think my orientation is an inherent part of me, probably innate, probably some configuration of the brain.  As far as I know, research of asexuality has only just begun to gain traction, even though the possibility of asexual people has been acknowledged for decades.

Here are some things I do know, however: I know that asexuality is not some simple “hormone imbalance”, since there are asexual people who’ve gotten themselves checked out in that regard and the results came back with nothing abnormal, and there are also some people who take testosterone injections and other hormone medication who have felt asexual before and after.  Here is a post written by a woman who takes medication for her hypothyrodism (correcting her hormones to be at healthy levels) and is still asexual.

Regardless of the cause, asexuality exists, and that shouldn’t have to be a problem for anyone.

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