Saw another one of those run-of-the-mill posts recently — the kind that talks about ace erasure and stereotypes in a brief, cursory way, and there was a part of it that went, “I’m not scared of sex, I’m uninterested.”
Granted, I don’t know how much of it was general and how much of it was personal. That is an entirely valid experience. However, in context, it could be mistaken for a broad-strokes statement about what asexuality is/what all asexual people are — which echoes a fairly standard, albeit not the most common, invalidation variant: that you’re not asexual, you’re just afraid of sex.
Presumably, the implication there is that people who are “just” afraid of sex are also allosexual (and, presumably, need to get over that fear). I don’t think the people who talk like this have thought it through much, anyway, but if they did, it would just come down to one of those “there’s something wrong with you” accusations that are determined to define fear of sex as a psychological disorder, one that either comes with personal judgement or an imperative that it be altered.
While being thrilled about sex is valid, and being in the dislike/disinterested range is valid, what I want to see more of is affirmation and recognition that having strongly negative feelings about sex is just as valid.
Sex can be scary. It can be overwhelming. It can be awful and nasty and disgusting. That’s okay. If you’re scared of sex, that’s okay. If you’re grossed out by sex, that’s okay. You are not hurting people by being celibate; you are taking care of yourself.
To the sex-enjoying and sex-indifferent asexuals: you are not the key to asexuality’s legitimacy. Don’t act like it, and don’t attempt to fork over sex-repulsed aces and all sex-averse people in exchange for your redemption in society’s eyes.