Men Should Respect Themselves

TW: rape culture, victim-blaming, general all-around fail

As I read this post [edit: it appears the post has been deleted] I went from confused to disgusted, and it reminded me of yet another post I’ve been meaning to write, but maybe it would be better to just deliver the short version: You know that whole “women should respect themselves” idea as applied to sexuality, with the implication that self-respect = not having sex?

Why doesn’t anyone ever say that to men?

Stop using that “lost control of myself” excuse and man up, men.  You’re a disappointment to God.

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5 responses to “Men Should Respect Themselves

  • Brin

    This post makes for an interesting juxtaposition with “Models of Conceptualizing Morality”. Do you think ‘#if it takes “self-control” for you not to rape people then you should not be in public’ is in essence different from calling people with such struggles bad people? (It’s definitely saying that they deserve to lead a very difficult life.)

    I note that you dealt with the existence of the type of anger in which one loses one’s sense of right and wrong (but generally retains fear of punishment) by denying it (“excuse”). I suppose that makes a certain amount of sense, as the only other way that I’ve come across is condemning all those who experience it as Bad People. (As someone who does experience said emotion, I…don’t exactly find the dichotomy comforting, to say the least. For damage to self-worth, there’s nothing quite like the dawning realisation that you’re the only person in your group of friends who can identify with abusers. (I suppose they could be lying, but most if not all of them have explicitly stated an inability to identify with abusers, and why lie outright when you can lie by omission?))

    (I do hope I’m interpreting you correctly. I’ve encountered friends and other people-I-like calling me (well, a group of people they don’t know I’m part of) either Bad People or a myth invented by Bad People so often that I may be reading that script into your words.)

    • acetheist

      “Do you think ‘#if it takes “self-control” for you not to rape people then you should not be in public’ is in essence different from calling people with such struggles bad people?”

      ahah. You caught me. ;)

      Admittedly, I have a tendency to say those things in order to be expressive of frustration an anger, but if you’re asking me to make a more serious statement:

      Yes, on the one hand, I do generally believe that if a particular person behaves in ways that are unsafe (or voluntarily admits having a hard time *not* attacking people and then uses that to encourage the blaming of their victims), then measures should be taken to keep other people safe from this person, to whatever extent that means (in this particular case, I would see it as more practical and effective to give them new, better enculturation and counseling that combats rape apologist logic rather than to incarcerate them — but I don’t expect any of that to happen, and the point of the tag was more to establish what I prioritize). But no, I do not think it is useful to categorize such people as “bad people”, no matter how evil their behavior or how steep their challenges (which, I acknowledge, probably just comes off as a matter of semantics to most people).

      “For damage to self-worth, there’s nothing quite like the dawning realisation that you’re the only person in your group of friends who can identify with abusers.”

      I can empathize with such people as well, if I’m understanding you correctly, in the same way that I empathize with racists and anti-gay Christians — which is to say, it’s disturbing. Not a matter of “I understand where you’re coming from, therefore it’s okay,” but of “I understand where you’re coming from, and that creeps me the hell out and makes me realize how much I need to keep an eye on myself.”

  • Calum P Cameron

    PREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAACH

    PREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAACH



    …Wow, “preach”no longer looks like a word.

  • Andrew

    Your first link is broken

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