Update: They’ve found me out

Well, sort of.

Today I wore a shirt that has the image of an ace of spades printed on it, and since I’m with family for Christmas, several of my relatives ended up calling me an “ace”, unknowing of how true it was and leaving me grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

Then, while we were all at the table for dinner, my aunt asked me what the significance of it was.  It seems like kind of a weird question — it’s just a t-shirt, you know?  But for me, it’s not “just” a t-shirt.  If I’d have been of a mind to, that’s when I could have declared, “I’M NOT STRAIGHT,” but I didn’t.  That’s not something I want to make into a group conversation, especially when there’s not much I can do to manage their reactions.  I was a little scared, to be honest.  So I sort of weaseled my way out of answering (in my family, sometimes all you have to do is take long enough to respond and someone will end up talking over you anyway) and was left wondering if I should have done anything differently.  Mostly, it just makes me wish I were already out to someone besides my mom, or that there were some way to make my orientation known without actually having to face the daunting prospect of The Big Conversation.

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2 responses to “Update: They’ve found me out

  • Brin

    Interesting to see the similarities and differences in your holiday experience. This year one of my Hanukkah presents was an ace of spades (in ace flag colours) T-shirt, which my mom made for me using stock photo outlines, Microsoft Paint, and printable iron-on design material. My dad seemed unsurprised. (I don’t think I ever came out to him per se, but I did not tell Mom to keep it a secret while knowing full well that my parents’ default state is “tell each other everything”. (I’m pretty sure both of them generally will keep things in confidence if explicitly asked to, so fair enough, really.)) My brother (age 15.5 to my 20) did not recognise the symbolism, but when we started giving him a basic Big Four explanation he appeared to find it a bit patronising that we thought he might not know Asexuality 101 or its relevance to his sister.

    (Still trying to find a good occasion to wear it. My family’s all well and good, but an awful lot of my offline friends believe the world consists of straight people and the occasional deviant homosexual, plus I’m pretty bad at both thinking on my feet and explaning things via speech.)

    • acetheist

      Wow, that’s really sweet of her. I’m envious. About all of that, really.

      And yeah, same here — and I thought nobody would notice this kind of stuff, but as tonight’s dinner proved, I’m sometimes bad at my estimates.

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