[Edit on October 23, 2022: Hi! If you’re reading this, please check out Why I (Still) Wear an Ace Ring: A Retrospective.]
I saw someone complaining about aces rings the other day. The more things change, the more they stay the same. “Really?” I thought. “This is what they’re complaining about now?”
From what I can tell, some ostensibly-allosexual person walked into the tag to announce that they can’t take ace rings seriously, speaking under the assumption that aces wear ace rings to “show off” our orientation, to which they also added that wearing orientation symbols at pride events is okay but “to do it everyday is stupid, why does it have to be such a thing”, as if the choice to wear ace rings is a big, obtrusive annoyance that undercuts our credibility somehow.
Aces. Y’know. So in your face about their sexuality. Man. It’s possible to take them seriously, but not when they insist on wearing rings that hold a symbolic meaning for them. That’s just going too far.
For one thing, I think it’s pretty hilarious that someone would claim something as small as wearing a ring every day is asking for too much attention, as if even a simple black band is too ostentatious for us. It’s not like we wear big silly hats every day. Although, to be clear, I 100% endorse the wearing of big silly ace pride hats. Anyway, since it’s apparently possible for there to be confusion on the matter, this post will discuss one (of the many) possible reasons for choosing to wear an ace ring.
Note for the uninformed: an ace ring is a term for a black ring, usually worn on the right middle finger, that the wearer intends as a symbol of their ace identity. There are no further requirements than that. Any black ring will do. [Edit: you can read the AVEN thread where the idea first originated here.]
Since most people in my general vicinity don’t know what asexuality is in the first place, I’m not counting on them to recognize my ring as an ace pride symbol. Only two allosexual people have ever indicated that they’ve noticed it, and neither of them knew what it stood for. It has not, as far as I know, ever been recognized an ace ring. The tradition of ace rings is not well-known in the slightest, so trying to shove my orientation in everyone’s face by wearing an ace ring would not be very effective. Hence that’s not why I do it.
When I first went into research overdrive mode on asexuality and started digging into the ace community, I was hungry for information; I was beginning to think I might be on the asexual spectrum and I wanted to know what the in-jokes were, what the terminology was, what the symbols were. I had found a group of people like myself and I was pouncing on everything I could find that was related.
All of this took place through the internet. I had no contact with any aces in real life, and my online contact with them was mostly passive — reading, not conversing. As far as I knew, I was surrounded by allosexual people, and I had some pretty good reasons to believe that if some of them knew, they wouldn’t accept me. Or rather, they wouldn’t accept the validity of my orientation; they already didn’t accept me, and this would just make matters worse.
So when I learned about ace rings, I knew I wanted to get one. First, because they’re cool, but more importantly: I had just discovered a community of people who felt just as alienated by compulsory sexuality as I did, and who were engaged in the kinds of discussions I’d always wanted to have, and who already understood something about me that I’d never been able to explain to anyone else, or even in my head, to myself. I wanted to latch onto it — the community, the discourse, the whole idea of asexuality, everything — and keep it close to myself. I wanted to hold it against my skin and keep it with me.
Maybe you’ll never understand if you’ve never been through anything similar, in which case, don’t try to.
When I first bought that black ring off Amazon, I wasn’t expecting anyone recognize it for what it was. That’s not what it’s for. From the beginning, that ring wasn’t meant for anyone else but me. I had just comes to terms with the fact that I’m not heterosexual, that the existence of my orientation is something that most people don’t even know about, and I wanted to wear an ace ring as a way remind myself that I’m not the only one.
So sure, you can hold out hope that one day someone will recognize the ring for what it is. It’s happened to people before. But that’s not why I wear it. For me, and for lots of other aces, these rings are a token of our connection to one another, even when it feels like we’re spread thin across the world. Regardless of whether anyone else sees it, it’s a personal consolation.
As usual, allowhiners, you’ve got it backwards. It’s not about proclaiming we’re different. It’s about carrying on our hands a reminder that there are others, somewhere, who are the same.
November 15th, 2013 at 12:50 am
I actually met someone at my college a few weeks ago who was wearing the black ring. I commented. He told me about the local ace meetups that I should go to. And probably will, at some point.
I never really cared about the ring thing before, but now I’m kind of thinking of getting one. Not to “show off” my orientation, but because it will perhaps make it easier to connect with other people like me, or because maybe, if another ace sees it, they won’t feel like they’re the only one.
November 15th, 2013 at 12:57 am
Ah man, I envy you there — my city doesn’t have any ace meetups. I’ve been to one before, but it was a three-hour drive from here.
Both of those are good reasons. Maybe this is more the exception than the rule, but I know if I saw somebody else wearing a black ring on their middle finger, I’d get ridiculously excited.
November 15th, 2013 at 5:44 am
I only heard that ace rings were a thing about a month or two ago, and until now I didn’t know what they actually were.
I never really had much opportunity to speak with more experienced asexuals who could, uh, induct me into the society, as it were. I worked out what asexuality was from occasional mentions in literature and on the internet – pretty sure I first came across the concept in an article about Doctor Who, and later on I found the Tvtropes page for the concept – and it eventually became clear that I WAS one. I’ve been working the rest of it out as I go, so most of the in-jokes are pretty new to me.
I may yet decide to get one of these rings, if only on the off-chance that it might be encouraging to other people.
This does all remind me of a time, a year or two ago, when my mother straight-up told me that I shouldn’t tell people I was an asexual because being open about one’s sexuality was inappropriate.
My only response was that the argument wasn’t very compelling when it came from a woman with a wedding band on her finger and “Mr and Mrs John Cameron” written on her tax returns.
November 15th, 2013 at 10:42 am
Haha, right, it’s inappropriate to be open about one’s sexuality — unless you’re straight.
November 16th, 2013 at 12:15 am
Seriously, these people?! And why?! Where do they get off being this bigoted, ignorant, and feeling full of privilege? Like, seriously. :/ It just boggles me. I don’t understand how wearing an ace ring is “showing off.” Heterosexuals/allosexuals get to show that they’re such, with even MORE overt symbolism. Case in point: An allosexual girl/guy can wear certain clothes to attract the opposite sex; couples can wear rings or pieces of jewelry to show to the world their relationship to the other person; crude t-shirts…well, you can fill in the blanks from there. Just…wow. Okay, so allosexuals are free to be open with their sexuality, but aces can’t.
Yeah. I’m so glad you don’t let these people bog you down with such ridiculous trash. I’m glad that you stay as brilliant and as awesome as you are.
November 16th, 2013 at 12:28 am
Heh, thanks, but it’s nothing new after a while. On tumblr, it’s impossible to browse the asexuality tag for very long without encountering something like “I don’t believe in asexuality” or “People who call themselves asexual just want to be special snowflakes” or whatever’s the order of the day. The ring complaint, though, is unusually silly, which is why it stood out to me.
I’d argue that there are aces who’d do those things listed too, but yeah, given that it’s hard to express asexuality overtly on its own (whereas allos can indicate their orientation just by saying who they think is hot) the idea that we can’t have other means of indicating our orientation just comes off as an attempt to silence us and cover up any reminders that we exist.
May 17th, 2015 at 2:56 am
Okay, that made me laugh. I was surfing the net, looking for someplace to buy an ace ring that 1) didn’t cost several hundred dollars and 2) wouldn’t have the black scratch off in two weeks. And I came across this page. And now I don’t just want an ace-ring, but I also want my own custom-designed T-shirt that says, “Why yes, I AM a special snowflake.” :)
November 16th, 2013 at 10:09 pm
So, I’m a newley identified asexual, and I’m thinking about starting to wear an ace ring. Thank you about the wonderful ace artical-I really appreciate it. Some people think being asexual is strange, but if married couples can wear wedding rings, why should asexuals not be able to wear an ace ring?
November 16th, 2013 at 10:22 pm
Thank you for reading it. I’m glad it’s proved useful to someone.
Yeah, that’s a fair question — jewelry has a long history of being symbolic. What sense does it make to arbitrarily draw the line at sexual orientation?
November 25th, 2013 at 3:46 am
I always think of the ace ring as like the secret handshake we use to identify each other in a giant crowd of non-aces. :)
December 11th, 2013 at 8:59 pm
This is a wonderful post! I don’t wear rings, I play with them too much, so I compromised and got a black ear cuff that I wear on my right ear. I will say that I’ve never seen anyone wearing an ace ring, but I did get really excited when I saw one of my professors was wearing a plain dark band. It was on his left ring finger though, and he talks about his husband all the time so that was short lived. I really identified with your last few paragraphs, my number one thing I wish I could have is an ace friend, just so that I would have someone who thinks like me. Ah well.
December 11th, 2013 at 11:08 pm
Same! Thanks for commenting.
January 4th, 2017 at 6:13 pm
In pretty much all cases “husband” or “wife” refers to someone involved in a sexual relationship. So the assumption that the ring does not refer to asexuality is probably valid. But I wonder. Does it have to be that way? Must the terms “husband” and “wife” be restricted to allosexuals? Some people assert that it is possible for two asexual people to have a romantic relationship. But even if it’s not, does that mean that asexual people are incapable of love? isn’t it possible to love someone and to want make a life together without either sex or romance?
Think of the standard wedding vows. (For example, one very, very traditional one: “I, ________, take thee ________, to be my husband/wife,and before God and these witnesses I promise to be a faithful and true husband/wife.”) Nowadays (especially in Western culture), effective, easy to obtain birth control has rendered sexual fidelity, in many cases, largely an emotional issue. Aren’t there many reasons to marry someone other than to have a socially acceptable sexual (or even romantic) relationship? There are of course sometimes financial or political reasons; but setting those aside (along with the romantic one), wouldn’t it still be important for a committed, emotionally significant (loving?) relationship to be acknowledged, respected and honored–and worthy of support of all kinds–by those known to the couple?
And, bottom line: isn’t the public acknowledgement of and respect for an important, committed, personal relationship the essence of our understanding of (and reason to use) the term marriage”
Please note: I don’t think of these as rhetorical questions. I am honestly wondering. Or perhaps, thinking on it now, just putting a wish into question form… But even if I am, mightn’t these things be, at least theoretically possible?
June 29th, 2019 at 1:22 pm
> Some people assert that it is possible for two asexual people to have a romantic relationship
Do you imply that it is not possible for an ace and a non-ace to love each other ?
August 13th, 2014 at 5:39 am
I never knew of their existence but just today I was reading something on AVEN and it led me to thinking there has to be a subtle way to ward off non-asexual people from hitting on you without making them them feel its personal. So (as a girl lol) I immediately thought of jewelry and thought a ring with an obvious ACE sign on it would be small enough to not be noticed unless you yourself make it noticed (like if you thought something might be up but your not sure and don’t wanna make things awkward just casually make the ring more visible to the person until they ask about or you bring it up yourself). At the same time I thought it’d be a great way to attract/notice other asexuals as well. So i searched google wondering if such a thing existed and was completely thrilled that it was already a thing!!!!!
August 13th, 2014 at 8:09 am
Yep. Unfortunately, it’s not well known outside the ace community, so it won’t help you with your first problem, but it is handy for identifying the other asexuals in the room (aka figuring out whose table to go sit at when you’re attending an ace meetup).
November 19th, 2014 at 1:09 am
Is the finger you put it on all that important, or is the hand what really matters? I wear an ace ring on my right hand, except it’s on my pinky because 1) it’s too small to fit on my middle finger. 2) that’s my writing hand and I imagine a middle finger ring would just get in the way. 3) there is already a tradition of pinky rings in the queer community.
November 19th, 2014 at 7:37 pm
Fortunately, there are no Ace Ring Police who will revoke your ace ring privileges if you deviate from tradition. The middle finger is the “established” finger/the more recognizable option, but whatever works best for you is what’s most important.
Also, neat, I did not know that about a tradition of pinky rings.
November 19th, 2014 at 7:54 pm
Right here: http://queersunited.blogspot.com/2008/10/word-of-gay-pinky-ring.html
July 18th, 2016 at 6:41 am
It’s probably best to stick with middle finger/right hand with ace rings, because i believe some other fingers are established as swinger rings? They typically avoid using the middle right finger for their rings out of respect forthe ace community. :)
March 13th, 2015 at 6:29 am
Sorry to reply to an old comment, but just in case you didn’t know, black rings on any other finger on the right hand are a symbol of being a swinger! The swinger community doesn’t wear them on their middle finger because of the ace ring :) http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2015/01/15/swingers-encouraged-to-put-a-ring-on-itand-wait-how-many-swingers-are-there
July 24th, 2015 at 1:25 am
Wow! Nice to know! I just happened to be checking in on this old thread and saw your reply. As it is, I no longer have that ring; I dropped it and it broke. :( However, now that I know the swinger connection, I’m kind of glad I broke it so I wasn’t mistaken for one! :) (Nothing against swingers; it’s just…wow. That’s like the polar opposite of being asexual!) So anyway, I’m now ringless and it doesn’t really bother me. To be honest, that ring was affecting my circulation, too…
January 13th, 2015 at 8:20 pm
[…] soon as I heard about the concept of an ace ring [1 and 2 – click for detailed explanations] I was fascinated. I found out I was asexual a few years […]
March 18th, 2015 at 5:19 pm
I only recently decided to take up the label of asexual, and I was considering buying a black ring. However, shortly after this I was at a party and I noticed that my brother’s girlfriend was wearing the asexual ring. I told her that I was asexual and she confirmed that she was too. I feel like I have been able to help her to come out to my brother/her boyfriend. And that is a good feeling.we are not alone. Knowing at a glace that there are other asexual s round me has made my coming out easier, and allowed me to help them too.
She gave me a black ring like hers. Now we’re both ok :)
March 18th, 2015 at 5:24 pm
I’m so glad to hear it!
May 9th, 2015 at 12:34 am
can’t find the ‘right’ black ring yet so I just dump my fav white stainless steel ring in a can of black paint and fish it out _ _!
December 10th, 2015 at 2:47 pm
I just started thinking I might belong to the ace community about five or six months ago. I’m twenty-two years old, graduating college, and am still a virgin. I thought something was wrong with me because despite having the opportunity, I just was never interested. I mentioned this to one of my friends and she told me about a blog that I should look into on asexuality and it was like finding my people. It was so affirming – like a checklist. Yes, I am all of these things, but so are other people. I’m not a freak! It was fantastic. I threw myself into researching the community because the more I learned, the more I felt like I was okay. I was in class one day and I saw a girl wearing an ace ring. I caught up to her after class and tried to be subtle in asking her where she had got it and if it meant anything to her and low and behold, she was also ace. She was so relieved, and I was so excited because we go to a private, Christian university where sexuality is not up for debate and lack of sexuality means you need a doctor. We got to talking and boom! Brand new friend. It was great. I ordered an ace ring off of ebay (I’m too broke even for amazon) a few days later. Because I completely agree with you. It’s not about being different, it’s about finding people who are the same. The relief we both felt was because we both needed validation in an environment that is so hostile to people who are different. The rings provided that.
December 10th, 2015 at 3:40 pm
I’m so happy for you. ^^ Thanks for commenting.
February 5th, 2016 at 7:23 pm
I am grey asexual and have just ordered the ring from Amazon that you linked to. :)
April 27th, 2016 at 10:50 pm
So I just realized it’s normally written on the right middle finger. I always thought it was the left middle finger, kind of like an “eff you” ti the concept of heteronormativity and the instituion of marriage. My ring only fits my left middle finger. Guess I’ll continue to be a half-assed ace….
April 27th, 2016 at 11:08 pm
haha, it’s not that big of a deal. Whatever suits you.
August 24th, 2016 at 10:32 pm
I’m the same way I bought a ring and it only fits on my left hand it’s really weird how that works.
July 17th, 2016 at 4:22 pm
I was glad to read this, I feel the same about wearing it. I’ve never drawn attention to it or even mentioned it to my friends (who do know I’m ace), but in a world obsessed with the idea that people aren’t complete unless they’re part of a pair, it’s a reassurance that I belong with a group of people who understand how I feel.
July 17th, 2016 at 9:31 pm
That’s like saying “stop shoving your marriage in my face by wearing a wedding band”.
July 17th, 2016 at 9:34 pm
July 18th, 2016 at 9:22 pm
Where can you buy this ring?
July 18th, 2016 at 10:01 pm
There’s a link to the one I bought in the post. On Amazon. They also sometimes have hematite rings at rock shops.
July 19th, 2016 at 6:44 am
Ace rings are awesome. Thanks to this unobtrusive black and simple jewelry, I found out someone I know is ace. Asking about the sexuality is so much easier:
“That ring… you wear it pretty often. Does it have any meaning?”
“Uhm, yeah. You do too, right?”
“Yeah, haha. So… do you like cake?”
That’s when that person had to laugh.
“Yeah, yeah I do!!! Man, never knew there was a chance… I thought you just wear it because it’s.. cool or something!”
“Well, it IS cool.”
So we never mentioned the word ace or asexual. We just knew. And that experience is really nice.
July 19th, 2016 at 7:13 am
What a cute story!
April 2nd, 2018 at 7:21 pm
I love this! Love, love, love it. Way to go, Aces!
September 26th, 2016 at 4:58 pm
OK, so I had have sex, I still do… but it wont give me what I want, I feel like.. well its hard. All my life I thought there was nobody for me, but now I think like, what, if I’m not for anybody, what if, I only belong to my self?? what if I’m really asexual? I’m really new to this and I found a ring on wish, and its awesome but it only fits my thumb, is it OK to wear it in that finger?? also, I’m alone, I live in a small town in Costa Rica, and I don’t even know a trans in real life… this is hard…
December 16th, 2017 at 2:08 pm
Of course! :) It’s as much a symbol for yourself as anything else, right?
January 19th, 2017 at 10:41 am
I seriously cannot tell you how much of a comfort it is to realize that I’m not broken or damaged after all. In a world catered to the sexual, it is a huge relief to know that being asexual is not only okay, but also something that doesn’t need fixing. I also want to get the ring to remind myself that I’m not a freak. Or a tree.
February 8th, 2017 at 8:07 pm
I wear an ace ring, and have for about 10 years. No one has ever noticed or asked about it and I lived in SF bay area! I recently relocated to a small northern Calif town, so I would be quite surprised if anyone would know it’s symbolism here! I too bought my original one on Amazon, but the black wore off within a couple of months. I then found a silicone (black) ringt on Amazon and have been wearing it for over nine years. And it is so comfortable! I am 65 years young and lucky that I have a dog for companionship because I doubt if I will ever find a cuddle buddy.
March 31st, 2017 at 5:49 am
My aceness has always been there but biology class thought me only certain living species could be asexual. The lack of integral sexual education was insane. They only tried to teach us how to put a condom. Not telling you thats useless but.. how about including sexual orientations, rape, genender or agender identifications,etc? I found not long ago about my asexuality and i can tell you i have never felt so relieved to know im not a plant and that a community with the same orientation like mine exists. I will always feel proud to wear my black ring :) cheers my ace fellows! Youre loved x
December 9th, 2017 at 11:08 pm
Aww. I’m so glad to have stumbled upon this blog. I wear a black ace ring too, but on my left hand (just personal preference for jewelry stuff). And I was thrilled when a girl at my new workplace noticed it and we both had a collective squeee (one of us, one of us :D ) moment. Totally relate to the “cake” story in the comment above :P
The ring is also a great conversation started for late night talks with friends who have earned that level of trust, so I continue to wear it.
And I’ve definitely dated people before who were accepting and worked really well with my being ace. We set (physical) boundaries early on in our relationship. I think it’s important to explore where on the spectrum of both sexual-asexual and romantic-aromatic you are, because those 2 things are not mutually inclusive.
And I’m thrilled that there’s increasing talk about this topic and validity in “mainstream” culture. I happy danced when I heard that the show Bojack Horseman on Netflix included an ace character (who is honest and clearly identifies about it).
December 16th, 2017 at 2:06 pm
Thanks for expressing your thoughts about ace rings! I myself am ace, and I am surrounded by a family and community of people who, for one reason or another, won’t understand asexuality even if I tried to explain it to them. So, I think I’m going to make myself a bracelet in the ace colors, black-gray-white-purple, and if anyone questions me about it, I’ll just say I like the color scheme. Ha. Like your ring, the bracelet is just a symbol for myself, a reminder of who I am and how proud I am about it. And, until I can come out, it’s a bit of a comfort to myself. Wearing my secret in plain sight, as it were.
March 10th, 2018 at 3:24 pm
[cw for sexual abuse added by the blogger]
So I got my ace ring yesterday and I already love it. Have had one boyfriend in the past and let myself be more or less coerced into doing IT with him. Did it three times and I was so disgusted by it I told him I didn’t want to anymore. He made this whole point about it and that he’d be better (he was very unsatisfying and lasted about 3 seconds, blaming it on his thing being “shy” each time and that without a condom it’d be better), but I said no. Then he got all “then why did we do it before???” and all annoying overall. I dumped him and realize looking back that that was a seriously abusive relationship because he never respected me when I told him to take his hands off me. I feel better knowing I’m not alone now. And even though no one will ever ask me about the ring probably, it’s nice to see on myself.
Also I think it’s bullshit that people say things like “you can’t date if you’re asexual”. It depends on the person. For now I identify as ace/demi, so yeah, maybe a person will come along that will just spark something. But I’m not letting go of my identity for anyone ever again. Sexual acts felt compulsory and I hated it with ex-boyfriend, so that might have influenced my opinion hahaha, but seriously. I am ace. This is me.
Just too bad that my family is the most heteronormative bunch of “anything other than hetero is wrong”-people who’ve ever lived. I found out I had a lesbian great-aunt like 2 years ago and then I also realized that that’s why my grandmother always avoids the subject and keeps me away from her. My mother also once blatantly told me that “we’d accept it if your sexuality was different. But just… Don’t you agree that heterosexuality is just better…?” And I just stared at her like “that’s not acceptance.”
Would be funny if they saw the ring. I’d say it then. For now I just hope my sister won’t out me because she’s one of the three people that knows. And she kind of alluded to it. Also that would not be the most personal thing she’s ever told someone about me, I often wonder why I trust her.
Anyway I’m just rambling on now, I don’t have ace friends to talk to…
I like the ring :3
March 10th, 2018 at 4:31 pm
I’m glad for you and your new ring!
From what you’ve told me, it definitely sounds like you have reason to be careful around your family. And I hope you never have to see your boyfriend again, because that’s seriously an awful way to treat someone… Anyone who says otherwise is wrong.
I know how these things can feel isolating at first — feel free to come “ramble” here anytime.
March 26th, 2018 at 7:52 pm
I’ve been wearing my ring for just over four years now. I’ve only ever had two people comment on it.
The first person asked about the writing on it (it says “Be free”) while I was in a group of friends. I wound up quietly explaining what it meant to me, and lo and behold, the guy next to me perked up and said, “Really? Huh. I’m ace too.”
He and I have become really great friends. We sit up all night sometimes and talk about our biochem research or our favorite tv shows.
The second had known what it meant because she had a ring too. She and I are so close now that we’re renting an apartment together next year.
To me, that’s what this ring is for. They’re just like the handkerchief code or the green carnations of the Victorian age for gay men, or violets for lesbians and bisexual women, or the LGBT+ blue feathers that have been around since the middle ages.
They’re a way for you to find and connect with people who are like you. To create friendships forged by a common experience. To find people who it might be easier to start a relationship with. To look around and be able to solidly CONFIRM one thing that all humans crave seeing – that we are not alone.
July 15th, 2018 at 12:00 pm
I had not really put it into words, but yes, that is why I wear it too. It gives me comfort to see it on my finger. Like a reminder to myself that what I feel is valid. The strange thing is I have never been into wearing rings. They tend to bother me and I usually get tired of wearing them really fast. That was never the case with my ace ring. It felt right from the beginning. The only times I don’t have it on is when I’m showering or swimming.
But thank you for putting it into words.
August 6th, 2018 at 2:18 am
I’m 15, just realized that I’m ace, and I’m hopefully getting my ring sometime soon! I’d be interested to know where the tradition comes from
August 6th, 2018 at 1:35 pm
I believe it started in 2005 in this AVEN thread. :)
January 3rd, 2019 at 12:48 pm
May 27th, 2019 at 10:17 am
Thank you for your article. My daughter is in the process of coming out as Ace, and has a coworker – also Ace – who gave her her first black Ace pride ring to wear. From my perspective the gift of the ring symbolizes understanding and acceptance – two things my daughter desperately needed in order to feel like she could be true to herself without shame. The ring also allows people in the know to recognize her orientation and to either be supportive of her or to know that they can safely be their LGBTQ/Ace selves around her. The ring is a small, unobtrusive, but grounding ornament that is helping her find herself and her tribe. Now I just have to reign in my impulse to buy her a really expensive black ring with her birthstone (a diamond, of course!) for special occasions. 😂
June 6th, 2019 at 6:11 pm
I’ve known that I was ace sometime this year or last year (it was a gradual process), even if I always sorta knew that something was different about me and that sexuality kind of didn’t affect me. I came out to my mom a few months ago and she said that I just hadn’t met the right guy yet… stuff like that is why we need more representation. And now my sister is afraid of coming out as bi to her…
I definitely want to wear an ace ring. I like the thought of some other ace or gray-ace or ally noticing it, even if that’s not very likely. I also think that it might help me have more self-esteem, as the ring stands for being proud of who I am, which is in contrast to the insecurity about being weird I had before I knew asexuality was a thing, which was one of many things that worsened my self-esteem problem. I like communicating who I am through little gestures like that, as it gives me confidence and reminds me that my personality consists of more than just flaws.
As I’m already used to wearing rings, that won’t be a big problem for me. I just hope that the ring I will get will not break soon, as stone rings, which seem to be the most easily obtainable ace rings, are very brittle… maybe I’ll find some nice design that’s not as fragile.
Sorry for making you read my way too long written-out thoughts.
June 6th, 2019 at 6:57 pm
No problem. Thanks for commenting. Unfortunately that “haven’t met the right person yet” nonsense is a response that a lot of us have gotten before… But I’m glad that you’ve gotten the opportunity to figure it out and become more comfortable with yourself. Good luck with your ring!
June 24th, 2019 at 6:27 am
Wow. I feel the exact same way about why I wear a ring. I’m not officially out really to anyone, because I feel especially awkward about it. I’m married in what is seeming to be heterosexual relationship. I was in far more relationships than my spouse. Part of feels I do not belong, regardless of what people have said to me on Aven. Wearing tells me everyday that my extreme distaste for relationships, dating, and sex was not in my head. It was not an illusion I made up. It was/is real. I might be happy now, and the unintentional damage I inflict on my spouse is not because I’m cruel or being difficult, it is because I’m not like him. Yeah, I have never worn it for anybody, but myself.
June 19th, 2020 at 11:14 am
[…] post was originally inspired by this post from the Ace Theist. I may or may not have taken 7+ years to get around to writing it, but better […]
June 30th, 2020 at 2:37 am
I recently realised I was ace, and I’m glad that I’ve been able to work it out at 13, so I don’t have to feel bad about myself my whole life. Ace ring sounds super cool, (even though I wouldn’t be able to wear it at school), and I’d love to have one! I love how it’s like a secret community of solidarity :)
March 31st, 2021 at 3:25 pm
I don’t have a ring, but I might get one in the future. I’ve recently come to terms with being grey-ace/aego, and I bought a little ace colors friendship bracelet (it helps immensely that the asexual flag is basically my favorite colors). It’s something for myself, a way of feeling a little more confident in some aspect of myself.
May 28th, 2021 at 10:12 pm
I ordered a ring a few days ago and I´m using it to help me come out, this site has helped me and its nice to hear others with stories like these. I´m fairly young to be finding this out about myself but I still believe this fits me and my sexuality. I hope they take me seriously and I´m using the ring as more of a comfort to me than anyone else.
May 28th, 2021 at 10:16 pm
This has helped me a lot. Thank you!
August 18th, 2021 at 10:13 am
I know this is a post from well over 7 years ago but I’ve only recently come to terms with being ace and bought an ace ring during pride month this year. So far it’s just for myself to know I’m not alone and that it is real, as I’m not really out to anyone aside from a select few friends. My family just thinks it’s ‘not real’ and ‘I will change my mind’, so this ring is just a bit of a confidence booster for myself. Thank you so much for this post, even years later it has really helped me <3
November 27th, 2021 at 4:53 pm
As other people have said, this post may be old, but it really resonated with me. I knew I was generally queer before I knew I was ace, as I happen to be panromantic, and I’ve never felt as connected to my aceness as I do my panness. Wearing an ace ring, to me, has been a way to remind myself that that part of my identity is just as valid as the other labels I carry. That it is okay to be fully myself. And although part of me thinks it was kinda cool when an acquaintance recognised it for what it was and told me she was also ace, and I hope that other ace folks I come across in the future will recognise it and know they’re not alone, that too is about reminding myself that there are other people in the world like me.