Announcement for Vesper

In one of my classes, we’re on the unit on Foucault, and now every time I see/hear the words “Visibility is a trap,” I think of you.


“Estranged Parents and Boundaries”

All relationships have boundaries, but people usually don’t state them explicitly unless the other person has crossed the line. Therefore, openly stating a boundary implies that the other person has done something wrong, and members of estranged parents’ groups aren’t having that.

issendai, Down the Rabbit Hole: The world of estranged parents’ forums, “Estranged Parents and Boundaries”

Possibly of painful interest to those of you with family issues and crummy parents. This is mostly just quotes, but if you’re like me, it can be illuminating/helpful to see echoes of personal experience atomized like this. Obvious content warning for self-entitled parents saying awful things.

Update: Pillowfort Beta

So you may have heard me mention the closed beta for, a new blogging platform in the works, and with the third wave of invites gone out, I was able to finally join it last week (here’s my personal blog there). Without an account you can’t see comments or go into tags, but right now you should be able to take a look at specific blogs if you have the url.

As mentioned, the site is still in beta and has a ways to go, bugs are common, some desirable features are missing, it’s still pretty quiet, etc. That said, here are some nice things going for it:

    • seriously comment sections are so important y’all
    • you can have a back-and-forth public conversation without also spreading the same post around over and over and repeatedly exposing your followers to it
  • A real, actual message/mail system with an inbox and threading, unlike tumblr’s wonky “ask” system
  • when you make a post, you can set it to “viewable by everyone,” “viewable only by mutuals,” or “viewable only by me”
  • when you make a post, you can turn off comments and reblogs — no more having to put “don’t reblog” in the tags of something you don’t want spread around; you can just outright disable the option
    • also you can mark it as NSFW as well
  • so far it seems like there’s quite a few ace people on there, which helps set the tone for me — the ratio of “people saying they’re ace and/or affirming asexuality” to “people making fun of aces” is definitely weighted toward the former
    • (I actually don’t think I’ve seen any antiace antagonism there yet at all)

So! Stay tuned for further updates, I guess. After Imzy’s rise and collapse, it’s fair to be especially skeptical of this taking off, but I hope to enjoy this while it lasts.

grad school first semester retrospective

hey uhhh congrats to my first semester of grad school curriculum for only featuring one (1) required reading that’s ostensibly an academic article but pretty quickly just turns into vaguely pensive straight-up erotica.

church service today

priest: *drops half the communion bread on the floor*

priest: *out loud, to the whole congregation* One of those moments when I’m glad I’m not Roman Catholic.

Tapping at “Stone”: me & a stone (a)sexuality

asexual flag stonesThis post is my submission to the January 2018 Carnival of Aces under the theme of “Identity.” Specifically, this post deals with topics of sexuality, identity, alienation, labeling, doubt, touch, trauma, and abuse.

This impetus for this post is a tumblr post about “being stone vs. being asexual” that Rowan shared with me, after it came up as a recommended post on their dash. There’s maybe a few different things I would question in that post (emphasis on question, since some of it is beyond my depth), but maybe chief among them is how stone sexuality & asexuality are being presented as either/or, i.e. mutually exclusive.

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on sexual abuse and the direction of imperatives

Hi, folks. If you don’t mind, let’s sit down and have a talk.  An actual, honest talk, if you will.

This is a post about the target audience of imperative grammar (i.e. command words) in the context of talking about abuse in relationships. It’s also a post about making moral-grounds proclamations about sexual violence. It’s also a post about the internalized obligation to have sex. It’s also a post about that thing that we usually call victim-blaming. It may even be a post about rape culture in the guise of fighting rape culture? And, basically, yelling at abuse victims to stop getting abused.

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combining the “we need a nonsexual social space as an alternative to bars” idea with the “libraries feel weird because it’s a public space where you don’t have to spend money to be there” idea for a new, more powerful hybrid idea.

Ace of Labryses

Update: the sequel.

An ace of labryses playing card, followed by card suit symbols including a labrys, followed by text that says 'Aces can be lesbian. Lesbians can be ace.'

Note: the font I’m using for these is Card Characters from Harold’s Fonts, which is a free download, so feel free to use that to make your own playing card-themed stuff.

Labrys / Spade graphic

Labrys Spade aces can be lesbian. lesbians can be ace

Continuing adventures in trying to make graphics: made this the other night, born of 1) conversation with Rowan about lesbian blogs, and 2) wondering if young people remember that there’s more than one way to symbolize an orientation than with horizontally striped flags…